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Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder
Scattered Minds explodes the myth of attention deficit disorder as genetically based – and offers real hope and advice for children and adults who live with the condition.
Gabor Maté is a revered physician who specializes in neurology, psychiatry and psychology – and himself has ADD. With wisdom gained through years of medical practice and research, Scattered Minds is a must-read for parents – and for anyone interested how experiences in infancy shape the biology and psychology of the human brain.
Scattered Minds:
- Demonstrates that ADD is not an inherited illness, but a reversible impairment and developmental delay
- Explains that in ADD, circuits in the brain whose job is emotional self-regulation and attention control fail to develop in infancy – and why
- Shows how ‘distractibility’ is the psychological product of life experience
- Allows parents to understand what makes their ADD children tick, and adults with ADD to gain insights into their emotions and behaviours
- Expresses optimism about neurological development even in adulthood
- Presents a programme of how to promote this development in both children and adults
Gabor Maté is a revered physician who specializes in neurology, psychiatry and psychology – and himself has ADD. With wisdom gained through years of medical practice and research, Scattered Minds is a must-read for parents – and for anyone interested how experiences in infancy shape the biology and psychology of the human brain.
Scattered Minds:
- Demonstrates that ADD is not an inherited illness, but a reversible impairment and developmental delay
- Explains that in ADD, circuits in the brain whose job is emotional self-regulation and attention control fail to develop in infancy – and why
- Shows how ‘distractibility’ is the psychological product of life experience
- Allows parents to understand what makes their ADD children tick, and adults with ADD to gain insights into their emotions and behaviours
- Expresses optimism about neurological development even in adulthood
- Presents a programme of how to promote this development in both children and adults
368 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1999
8266 people are currently reading
50417 people want to read
About the author
Gabor Maté
52 books7,601 followersDr Gabor Maté (CM) is a Hungarian-born Canadian physician who specializes in the study and treatment of addiction and is also widely recognized for his unique perspective on Attention Deficit Disorder and his firmly held belief in the connection between mind and body health.
Born in Budapest, Hungary in 1944, he is a survivor of the Nazi genocide. His maternal grandparents were killed in Auschwitz when he was five months old, his aunt disappeared during the war, and his father endured forced labour at the hands of the Nazis.
He emigrated to Canada with his family in 1957. After graduating with a B.A. from the University of British Columbia in Vancouver and a few years as a high school English and literature teacher, he returned to school to pursue his childhood dream of being a physician.
Maté ran a private family practice in East Vancouver for over twenty years. He was also the medical co-ordinator of the Palliative Care Unit at Vancouver Hospital for seven years. Currently he is the staff physician at the Portland Hotel, a residence and resource centre for the people of Vancouver's Downtown Eastside. Many of his patients suffer from mental illness, drug addiction and HIV, or all three.
Most recently, he has written about his experiences working with addicts in In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts.
He made national headlines in defense of the physicians working at Insite (a legal supervised safe injection site) after the federal Minister of Health, Tony Clement, attacked them as unethical.
Born in Budapest, Hungary in 1944, he is a survivor of the Nazi genocide. His maternal grandparents were killed in Auschwitz when he was five months old, his aunt disappeared during the war, and his father endured forced labour at the hands of the Nazis.
He emigrated to Canada with his family in 1957. After graduating with a B.A. from the University of British Columbia in Vancouver and a few years as a high school English and literature teacher, he returned to school to pursue his childhood dream of being a physician.
Maté ran a private family practice in East Vancouver for over twenty years. He was also the medical co-ordinator of the Palliative Care Unit at Vancouver Hospital for seven years. Currently he is the staff physician at the Portland Hotel, a residence and resource centre for the people of Vancouver's Downtown Eastside. Many of his patients suffer from mental illness, drug addiction and HIV, or all three.
Most recently, he has written about his experiences working with addicts in In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts.
He made national headlines in defense of the physicians working at Insite (a legal supervised safe injection site) after the federal Minister of Health, Tony Clement, attacked them as unethical.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,697 reviews
February 11, 2020
This book fucked me up.
I have been putting it off- I knew it wasn't going to be an easy read.
I was diagnosed with ADD at a young age and was subjected to the medications at doses that would have been too much for an adult. This wreaked havoc on my psyche, and I am still recovering from those years. Quitting was just as hard being on it- the fallout and withdrawal were some of the worst days of my life. For a long time, I disavowed everything about ADD- the medication, the diagnosis, even its existence for others. The pain was too great. This is something Gabor Mate understands and explains in this book.
I've made good progress in my recovery, and have found my middle path.
ADD exists. I have it. It doesn't require medication but can sometimes benefit from it when skilfully applied. Its definitely a diagnosis that is being abused, like many in the DSM.
The symptoms are real, but they don't have to be permanent, and what is permanent can be helped and harnessed.
It's caused by pain. The pain of misalignment, the pain of youth, the extreme pain of the sensitive child. Its cured by addressing the pain, and its sources. Gabor Mate spells out how developmental trauma causes symptoms that are aggregated under the banner of ADHD, and does so with the sensitivity and understanding of someone with skin in the game. Himself a survivor of the trauma of the holocaust, he draws from his ADD, the ADD of his children and that of his patients.
He covers how ADD develops, how it changes or doesn't change, in adulthood, how it can be helped and healed, and how we can adjust to prevent it from occurring.he introduces concepts like 'counter will' and 'unconditional positive resolve', which provide great insight and aid in the process of self-understanding and self-healing from the symptoms of ADD.
I especially enjoyed how explored the link between shame and ADD, his exploration of the phenomenology of childhood ("children swim the unconscious of their parents"), and his exploration of attention itself- he gets downright Wattsian at certain points. This is high praise.
Mate reframes ADD as Attunement Deficit Disorder- and provides the first steps toward attunement, the first steps towards healing. I finished the book in less than 24 hours, ravenously, and i am left impressed and hungry for more of his words. Five stars.
P.S I just wrote what is basically a book report during my free time, of my own volition. Didn't get distracted once. Fuck yeah.
I have been putting it off- I knew it wasn't going to be an easy read.
I was diagnosed with ADD at a young age and was subjected to the medications at doses that would have been too much for an adult. This wreaked havoc on my psyche, and I am still recovering from those years. Quitting was just as hard being on it- the fallout and withdrawal were some of the worst days of my life. For a long time, I disavowed everything about ADD- the medication, the diagnosis, even its existence for others. The pain was too great. This is something Gabor Mate understands and explains in this book.
I've made good progress in my recovery, and have found my middle path.
ADD exists. I have it. It doesn't require medication but can sometimes benefit from it when skilfully applied. Its definitely a diagnosis that is being abused, like many in the DSM.
The symptoms are real, but they don't have to be permanent, and what is permanent can be helped and harnessed.
It's caused by pain. The pain of misalignment, the pain of youth, the extreme pain of the sensitive child. Its cured by addressing the pain, and its sources. Gabor Mate spells out how developmental trauma causes symptoms that are aggregated under the banner of ADHD, and does so with the sensitivity and understanding of someone with skin in the game. Himself a survivor of the trauma of the holocaust, he draws from his ADD, the ADD of his children and that of his patients.
He covers how ADD develops, how it changes or doesn't change, in adulthood, how it can be helped and healed, and how we can adjust to prevent it from occurring.he introduces concepts like 'counter will' and 'unconditional positive resolve', which provide great insight and aid in the process of self-understanding and self-healing from the symptoms of ADD.
I especially enjoyed how explored the link between shame and ADD, his exploration of the phenomenology of childhood ("children swim the unconscious of their parents"), and his exploration of attention itself- he gets downright Wattsian at certain points. This is high praise.
Mate reframes ADD as Attunement Deficit Disorder- and provides the first steps toward attunement, the first steps towards healing. I finished the book in less than 24 hours, ravenously, and i am left impressed and hungry for more of his words. Five stars.
P.S I just wrote what is basically a book report during my free time, of my own volition. Didn't get distracted once. Fuck yeah.
October 9, 2021
Oh wow. So I knew this was a bit marmitey in the neurodivergent community, but I thought it would be a good insight into ADHD, and with Gabor Mate claiming the title himself, I figured it couldn't be that bad a read? But I'm shocked that so many people here are giving this five stars. There is very little referencing, it is mainly his assertions and interpretations of other studies that he does not actively link to. And the whole premise is that kids with ADHD are basically the result of bad parenting and poor attachment. He does say that there is a genetic disposition but very quickly moves past it and even ends the book with the phrase "If we can actively love, there will be no attention deficit, and no disorder". Like. Huh? I agree with the social model of disability but this is full on denial, surely? I'm so confused. And angry, I think, that mothers are once again (and let's be really clear here, he actively uses the word "mother" claimed as a placeholder for primary carer while also saying that anything other than the mother is a trauma...) handed an impossible task, with no support, and then blamed for everything. I'm so mad I wasted my life on this book.
February 23, 2009
Since I have a house full of ADD/OCD people I've read far too many websites and books on ADD, so when my sister gave me yet another one, I didn't rush to read it. I should have. Pretty soon I was taking it with me everywhere I went, reading in the bathtub...usually only fiction makes the cut for a bathtub-read.
This is going to sound like an infomercial, but, really, this book has changed my life. It isn't just about ADD; it's about how to parent both your children and yourself in a way that promotes healthy mental well-being. Every parent should read it. Definitely everyone who thinks they or their children might possibly have ADD should read it. I look at parenting in a radically different way. I'm a better mom in every way. I'm finally working through my own psychological "unfinished business." If only I'd found this when my oldest child was a baby. Of course it hadn't been written then. But I wish it had. And that I had read it. If you are a parent or just a messed-up person like me, you should read it, too. Go get it. Now.
This is going to sound like an infomercial, but, really, this book has changed my life. It isn't just about ADD; it's about how to parent both your children and yourself in a way that promotes healthy mental well-being. Every parent should read it. Definitely everyone who thinks they or their children might possibly have ADD should read it. I look at parenting in a radically different way. I'm a better mom in every way. I'm finally working through my own psychological "unfinished business." If only I'd found this when my oldest child was a baby. Of course it hadn't been written then. But I wish it had. And that I had read it. If you are a parent or just a messed-up person like me, you should read it, too. Go get it. Now.
April 28, 2020
Do not read this book unless you believe that parents are to blame for their children’s ADHD. I am a licensed therapist and was appalled to read about his “beliefs” and see them disagree with the scientific research behind the causes of ADHD.
November 12, 2019
My feelings about this book are complex and I'm not sure if i can adequately express them.
The book is very interesting and makes a lot of good points. I found it easily readable if a little repetative. The genetic component was explained well but I have a big issue with how the emotional component was expressed.
I feel the book makes very big sweeping statements about the role of parenting and is very much bias towards a apportioning blame. The book is written as though it has case studies but they were not referenced. Much of the information seemed to be from Dr Mate's experience and so we are expected to believe that all of the cases of ADD/ADHD he sees have an parental issue as well as a genetic issue.
The book feels to me like opinion with no real science to back it up. I feel this is dangerous considering the implications for people already dealing with ADD either themselves or with loved ones
The book is very interesting and makes a lot of good points. I found it easily readable if a little repetative. The genetic component was explained well but I have a big issue with how the emotional component was expressed.
I feel the book makes very big sweeping statements about the role of parenting and is very much bias towards a apportioning blame. The book is written as though it has case studies but they were not referenced. Much of the information seemed to be from Dr Mate's experience and so we are expected to believe that all of the cases of ADD/ADHD he sees have an parental issue as well as a genetic issue.
The book feels to me like opinion with no real science to back it up. I feel this is dangerous considering the implications for people already dealing with ADD either themselves or with loved ones
May 25, 2022
I am still reading this book - it's taking me quite some time to plow through. I'm finding myself quite irritated with the information being shared. In particular, the chapter about family and parents in particular. I respect Gabor Mate, his work and research into this area and area of addictions, however, I feel this chapter in particular is quite - all over the place. He speaks of the parents of the children with ADHD/ADD, as "anxious and stressed" who create the environment that is harried and stressful, without routine or safety, and as such, ADD is formed in the infant's brain. He states parents are not connected with extended family, move frequently, often misuse alcohol and drugs, there is usually some form of violence in the family and the children grow up without ability to form memories. I felt I had stepped back in time when doctors used to believe all mental illness was created from the uptight, inflexible stressed mother and distant, cold, alcoholic father.
Then he shifts over to speak about epigenetics and how past history affects the genes, which in turn creates changes in the brain of a developing fetus and a child is born with ADD.
From there he speaks about how there is no place for blame - which I agree with 100% - and all he is stating, is what he has noticed in his practice and research.
In an earlier chapter, he speaks on how poverty and lack of proper nutrition affects an infant's ability to properly develop, which creates ADD - which he states doesn't happen in North America as children are not starving and poverty isn't an issue. That comment flies in the face of known facts about childhood poverty in North America.
I feel like he's all over the place with this book. There is no real consistency, it bounces from one thought to another, from one theory to another and then back to his life story.
I have ADHD. No one was surprised when I was diagnosed, as it was evident from the 'get go' as my mother says. Yet I could not and still cannot find myself in this book.
As I told a friend, I believe ADHD will one day be banished and we'll learn, we all have different brains - which is a good thing. We won't work so hard to force everyone to conform - that's my hope for the future. Living with ADHD is what I describe to people as "beautifully abstract and creative." I grew up in a home with two solid parents who supported my creative brain and encouraged me to explore the world, through my eyes -not the eyes of society or that of the school system. I have learned over the years how to organize and adhere to a time schedule; I still lose my keys on a regular basis, but seriously, who doesn't. I have strong childhood memories and my family didn't move every year. As I said, I wasn't nor were my parents written into this book. Nor were many others who I know, who lived and grew up similar to me and have ADHD.
I will continue to keep reading it and I hope that it comes together by the end. At this point, I feel very mixed and irritated about this book.
Then he shifts over to speak about epigenetics and how past history affects the genes, which in turn creates changes in the brain of a developing fetus and a child is born with ADD.
From there he speaks about how there is no place for blame - which I agree with 100% - and all he is stating, is what he has noticed in his practice and research.
In an earlier chapter, he speaks on how poverty and lack of proper nutrition affects an infant's ability to properly develop, which creates ADD - which he states doesn't happen in North America as children are not starving and poverty isn't an issue. That comment flies in the face of known facts about childhood poverty in North America.
I feel like he's all over the place with this book. There is no real consistency, it bounces from one thought to another, from one theory to another and then back to his life story.
I have ADHD. No one was surprised when I was diagnosed, as it was evident from the 'get go' as my mother says. Yet I could not and still cannot find myself in this book.
As I told a friend, I believe ADHD will one day be banished and we'll learn, we all have different brains - which is a good thing. We won't work so hard to force everyone to conform - that's my hope for the future. Living with ADHD is what I describe to people as "beautifully abstract and creative." I grew up in a home with two solid parents who supported my creative brain and encouraged me to explore the world, through my eyes -not the eyes of society or that of the school system. I have learned over the years how to organize and adhere to a time schedule; I still lose my keys on a regular basis, but seriously, who doesn't. I have strong childhood memories and my family didn't move every year. As I said, I wasn't nor were my parents written into this book. Nor were many others who I know, who lived and grew up similar to me and have ADHD.
I will continue to keep reading it and I hope that it comes together by the end. At this point, I feel very mixed and irritated about this book.
June 10, 2012
This book is amazing and really changed my thinking about ADD/ADHD. Maté describes in detail how ADHD is not genetic, but how a genetically sensitive brain protects itself with ADD behaviors. I've become a bit of an evangelist about this book, since I see things so differently now. Things to learn in this book: Unconditional Positive Regard, Counterwill, Wooing the Child, Unfinished Business.
If you want to get some insight onto a child with ADHD or oppositional behavior, check out this book. Turns out many of the things we do to control our children actually perpetuate the problems. Maté puts forth the notion that ADD can actually be healed with the brainpower of a parent who takes stock of their own "Unfinished Business" and pays close attention to the growth and healthy development of their child's brain processes. Fascinating, compelling, inspiring.
As someone with attention issues and ADD in the family, I felt so understood by this author. As the mother of someone with attention issues, I found inspiration, and our family dialogue has changed to a mutual seeking of solutions rather than 'who's in control.'
If you want to get some insight onto a child with ADHD or oppositional behavior, check out this book. Turns out many of the things we do to control our children actually perpetuate the problems. Maté puts forth the notion that ADD can actually be healed with the brainpower of a parent who takes stock of their own "Unfinished Business" and pays close attention to the growth and healthy development of their child's brain processes. Fascinating, compelling, inspiring.
As someone with attention issues and ADD in the family, I felt so understood by this author. As the mother of someone with attention issues, I found inspiration, and our family dialogue has changed to a mutual seeking of solutions rather than 'who's in control.'
September 10, 2015
pg. 320 says it all: "The world is much more ready to accept someone who is different and comfortable with it than someone desperately seeking to conform by denying himself. It's the self-rejection others react against, much more than differentness. So the solution for the (ADD) adult is not to 'fit in', but to accept his inability to conform."
Hooray, Dr. Mate! Thanks for giving us permission to be ourselves!
Hooray, Dr. Mate! Thanks for giving us permission to be ourselves!
December 2, 2021
Insulting and very lacking in proper scientific facts! I'm utterly shocked that such an old fashioned and disproven theory is being shared as new facts and that people are actually believing it.
ADHD is passed on through genetics and he ignores this fact and writes that it's from bad parenting the child as an infant.
ADHD is passed on through genetics and he ignores this fact and writes that it's from bad parenting the child as an infant.
October 17, 2021
DNF.
Someone else nailed it with:
"While Dr. Mate does give some credence to the genetics of ADD, he pretty much leaves the implications of this behind as he goes into a long description of failed or inadequate parental attachments being the primary reason for ADD symptomatology (as if the parents of ADD kids didn't feel guilty enough about passing on a genetic inheritance they most likely didn't know they had). Even if this was not the doctor's intent, it is so pervasive in this book that one cannot help but feel that if a child or an adult exhibits ADD symptoms, that there is "someone" to blame, not just for the genetic inheritance but for bad parenting."
I especially "enjoyed" the part about a serial cheater discovering his relationship issues stemmed from his mom averting her gaze too quickly once in infancy.
Then, I really checked out after the recommendation about how if an ADD child's tendency to go slowly in the morning is becoming a family pain point, just start being late to school. Great advice!
Someone else nailed it with:
"While Dr. Mate does give some credence to the genetics of ADD, he pretty much leaves the implications of this behind as he goes into a long description of failed or inadequate parental attachments being the primary reason for ADD symptomatology (as if the parents of ADD kids didn't feel guilty enough about passing on a genetic inheritance they most likely didn't know they had). Even if this was not the doctor's intent, it is so pervasive in this book that one cannot help but feel that if a child or an adult exhibits ADD symptoms, that there is "someone" to blame, not just for the genetic inheritance but for bad parenting."
I especially "enjoyed" the part about a serial cheater discovering his relationship issues stemmed from his mom averting her gaze too quickly once in infancy.
Then, I really checked out after the recommendation about how if an ADD child's tendency to go slowly in the morning is becoming a family pain point, just start being late to school. Great advice!
September 9, 2016
The short version:
An excellent resource for those wanting to learn more about the disorder. And an interesting hypothesis about the origin of ADHD that may or may not resonate with each reader.
My only real point of contention is the author's assertion that tuning out and dissociation are the same thing. Sure, they can coexist at different levels at the same time, but in my experience they definitely are not the same thing.
The long, extremely personal version:
This book has quite literally changed my life.
At the end of June, my therapist asked if I had ever been diagnosed with ADD as a child. I said no, and found the idea amusing.
Prior to this book, my understanding of ADD/ADHD was very minimal, and I literally never even considered it in relation to myself. Reading is and always has been my favourite pasttime. I didn't have behavioural problems growing up. Sure, I have always been extremely spacey and inattentive, disastrously disorganized and distracted, chronically forgetful and tuned out (and so and and so forth...). But I didn't fit into that stereotypical idea of a hyperactive problem-child ADHD kid, and I was extremely ignorant about the disorder, so, yeah, why would I associate myself with it? Never crossed my mind.
My therapist recommended I read a book on the topic, Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder, before our next session for discussion, because she strongly thought I might have ADD, and this book might give me some insight.
I borrowed it from the library and began, highly skeptical. Everyone has attention problems to some degree, right? Well. I very soon realized I actually had ZERO idea what ADHD was outside of the stereotypical notion of it, and did some obsessive online research alongside reading this book. Not even two chapters in, I realized, "Shit, this is me. THIS IS ME." I returned the book to the library and bought my own copy to mark up and make notes. I've since been reading anything else about the disorder I can find.
At my next therapy session, my therapist asked if I had read the book and I said yes, and that it had resonated with me. She asked what resonated, and I said, "Well, if I do have ADD, it would explain my entire life. It would fill in all the blanks and areas that my history with depression and anxiety don't account for, that I always tried to make them fit into to explain something that didn't make sense." Something that didn't make sense because, without the missing piece of ADD, it quite literally couldn't make sense. Then we discussed why, etc, blah blah. At the end of the appointment I promised her I would talk to my physician about a diagnosis.
To make a long story short, I have now very recently been officially diagnosed with Adult ADHD-PI. It's been a life-altering process, and a strangely liberating one. Finally, finally, I understand what the hell was wrong with me my entire life. All the frustration and confusion. It adds up. Everything that didn't make sense, makes sense. This book has given me a better, more educated understanding of the disorder, and it helped put me on the path to better understanding myself. My relief when I was diagnosed was, frankly, astronomical.
Consequently, Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder has become one of the most important books in my life. Literally: life-changing.
Sidenote: Why does every book on ADD/ADHD seem to have such long, winding titles? Seems ironic, ha.
An excellent resource for those wanting to learn more about the disorder. And an interesting hypothesis about the origin of ADHD that may or may not resonate with each reader.
My only real point of contention is the author's assertion that tuning out and dissociation are the same thing. Sure, they can coexist at different levels at the same time, but in my experience they definitely are not the same thing.
The long, extremely personal version:
This book has quite literally changed my life.
At the end of June, my therapist asked if I had ever been diagnosed with ADD as a child. I said no, and found the idea amusing.
Prior to this book, my understanding of ADD/ADHD was very minimal, and I literally never even considered it in relation to myself. Reading is and always has been my favourite pasttime. I didn't have behavioural problems growing up. Sure, I have always been extremely spacey and inattentive, disastrously disorganized and distracted, chronically forgetful and tuned out (and so and and so forth...). But I didn't fit into that stereotypical idea of a hyperactive problem-child ADHD kid, and I was extremely ignorant about the disorder, so, yeah, why would I associate myself with it? Never crossed my mind.
My therapist recommended I read a book on the topic, Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder, before our next session for discussion, because she strongly thought I might have ADD, and this book might give me some insight.
I borrowed it from the library and began, highly skeptical. Everyone has attention problems to some degree, right? Well. I very soon realized I actually had ZERO idea what ADHD was outside of the stereotypical notion of it, and did some obsessive online research alongside reading this book. Not even two chapters in, I realized, "Shit, this is me. THIS IS ME." I returned the book to the library and bought my own copy to mark up and make notes. I've since been reading anything else about the disorder I can find.
At my next therapy session, my therapist asked if I had read the book and I said yes, and that it had resonated with me. She asked what resonated, and I said, "Well, if I do have ADD, it would explain my entire life. It would fill in all the blanks and areas that my history with depression and anxiety don't account for, that I always tried to make them fit into to explain something that didn't make sense." Something that didn't make sense because, without the missing piece of ADD, it quite literally couldn't make sense. Then we discussed why, etc, blah blah. At the end of the appointment I promised her I would talk to my physician about a diagnosis.
To make a long story short, I have now very recently been officially diagnosed with Adult ADHD-PI. It's been a life-altering process, and a strangely liberating one. Finally, finally, I understand what the hell was wrong with me my entire life. All the frustration and confusion. It adds up. Everything that didn't make sense, makes sense. This book has given me a better, more educated understanding of the disorder, and it helped put me on the path to better understanding myself. My relief when I was diagnosed was, frankly, astronomical.
Consequently, Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder has become one of the most important books in my life. Literally: life-changing.
Sidenote: Why does every book on ADD/ADHD seem to have such long, winding titles? Seems ironic, ha.
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December 16, 2024Moja samoświadomość po tej lekturze jest dziesięć poziomów wyżej. Bardzo polecam.
September 16, 2011
A friend of mine who is a parent asked me about this book, and this is what I told her. About me: I am not a parent, and I have ADD.
_________
Good on you for wanting to learn about what might be going on with [your daughter]! From the little bit of time I've spent with her, it seems like a definite possibility, but everyone who has ADD has different experiences and "symptoms." The best expression of that for me was in a book by Sari Solden called Women with Attention Deficit Disorder, but clearly that's focused on adult women (though she does talk quite a bit about girls too).
Scattered is GREAT. It's one of the best books on ADD I've read yet, and I'm so glad I'm reading it. What I'm appreciating is that he doesn't pander, and he doesn't wrap it up as simply a brain function issue, which is what I've felt to be true. I'm personally convinced that my experience isn't just biology. I don't think I'd be the way I am if I didn't live in a culture that is saturated with information, that removes us far from our natural rhythms, that requires me to be vigilant all the time, that values achievement to a degree that's ridiculous, that insists on fast and "good enough" over the spacious reflection and full consideration that engenders much better than good enough... I could go on. Those things are challenges for everyone, but they are excruciating for someone who has the misfortune of a certain set of developmental sensitivities and brain function challenges. Maté has evidence that supports this instinct of mine, so it's been fascinating to see the facts behind it.
While he acknowledges the effect of the cultural situation, Maté focuses primarily on the imprint of the family - the closest unit of culture. My only caution to you in reading it is that because his research focus is on the role of the parent/child interaction in the development of ADD, it gets to feel pretty blameful of parents. He is very good about being fair and equivocating, but at 75% through the book, I'm like "I get it, my mom was stressed and it affected me." At this point I need some relief from that story. Maté is careful to point out that the factors parents might bring to "causing" the child's ADD are in many cases stressors that they themselves are not aware of (they may even be legacy and thus implicit to them), and that clearly most parents do not want to harm their children... but if I were a parent reading it, I'd be hard-pressed to fight off overwhelming feelings of guilt.
He also gives readers a lot of hope that people with ADD can find peace and live wonderful lives. I've appreciated a slew of evidence-based recommendations for managing and healing my own ADD, and I had a breakthrough as a result of reading them; that's worth the price of admission alone. I haven't yet read the recommendations about children, but my guess is that there's equally helpful information about supporting a child with ADD.
I honestly can't say whether, as a parent, I'd read this book. I probably would, and then spend a week crying, but ultimately be really glad to have the knowledge, and then call it up every time I fail my child as proof of my inadequacy, and then be grateful for the knowledge it's given me to support my child well... As an adult with ADD, however, reading this book has been 100% valuable - and it's very engaging. I'm devouring it.
_________
Good on you for wanting to learn about what might be going on with [your daughter]! From the little bit of time I've spent with her, it seems like a definite possibility, but everyone who has ADD has different experiences and "symptoms." The best expression of that for me was in a book by Sari Solden called Women with Attention Deficit Disorder, but clearly that's focused on adult women (though she does talk quite a bit about girls too).
Scattered is GREAT. It's one of the best books on ADD I've read yet, and I'm so glad I'm reading it. What I'm appreciating is that he doesn't pander, and he doesn't wrap it up as simply a brain function issue, which is what I've felt to be true. I'm personally convinced that my experience isn't just biology. I don't think I'd be the way I am if I didn't live in a culture that is saturated with information, that removes us far from our natural rhythms, that requires me to be vigilant all the time, that values achievement to a degree that's ridiculous, that insists on fast and "good enough" over the spacious reflection and full consideration that engenders much better than good enough... I could go on. Those things are challenges for everyone, but they are excruciating for someone who has the misfortune of a certain set of developmental sensitivities and brain function challenges. Maté has evidence that supports this instinct of mine, so it's been fascinating to see the facts behind it.
While he acknowledges the effect of the cultural situation, Maté focuses primarily on the imprint of the family - the closest unit of culture. My only caution to you in reading it is that because his research focus is on the role of the parent/child interaction in the development of ADD, it gets to feel pretty blameful of parents. He is very good about being fair and equivocating, but at 75% through the book, I'm like "I get it, my mom was stressed and it affected me." At this point I need some relief from that story. Maté is careful to point out that the factors parents might bring to "causing" the child's ADD are in many cases stressors that they themselves are not aware of (they may even be legacy and thus implicit to them), and that clearly most parents do not want to harm their children... but if I were a parent reading it, I'd be hard-pressed to fight off overwhelming feelings of guilt.
He also gives readers a lot of hope that people with ADD can find peace and live wonderful lives. I've appreciated a slew of evidence-based recommendations for managing and healing my own ADD, and I had a breakthrough as a result of reading them; that's worth the price of admission alone. I haven't yet read the recommendations about children, but my guess is that there's equally helpful information about supporting a child with ADD.
I honestly can't say whether, as a parent, I'd read this book. I probably would, and then spend a week crying, but ultimately be really glad to have the knowledge, and then call it up every time I fail my child as proof of my inadequacy, and then be grateful for the knowledge it's given me to support my child well... As an adult with ADD, however, reading this book has been 100% valuable - and it's very engaging. I'm devouring it.
October 20, 2021
Disappointed in how seldom research was cited in this book
May 1, 2023
Video review of four popular books on ADHD: https://youtu.be/O5i0b9CcpeU
Written review to come!
Written review to come!
August 12, 2023
A must read for all mental health professionals to better understand the roots of ADHD!
May 6, 2022
This book was genuinely life-changing for me. I cannot recommend it enough for anyone who has ADHD, thinks they might have ADHD, or is just a hypersensitive individual who struggles with emotional regulation. It made me cry many times, and has lead to many positive changes in my sense of self and my ability to organise my life and relationships (with friends and family). I have become a calmer person now, much less anxiety-prone than I ever thought possible.
November 11, 2022
I heard a lot of positive things about this book and was looking forward to reading it. However the more I read the more confused I was by the lack of citations to any actual research. This would have been fine if he stated up front that this is his own anecdotal experience with ADHD and what he felt drove it.
However the book is positioned as a source of truth and insight into ADHD generally and he uses his role as a medical professional to provide authority to what he’s written.
I’m rather disappointed overall that this is shaping the narrative on ADHD for other psychological professionals. It feels like spreading a lot of disinformation
However the book is positioned as a source of truth and insight into ADHD generally and he uses his role as a medical professional to provide authority to what he’s written.
I’m rather disappointed overall that this is shaping the narrative on ADHD for other psychological professionals. It feels like spreading a lot of disinformation
October 12, 2023
A masterclass in illogical and unscientific argumentation. I will admit that i couldn’t quite finish this ridiculous book but for a while I was genuinely enthralled by the author’s strange but sustained refusal to cite relevant research studies as he made his unsubstantiated case that parents were responsible (and not as a result of genetics) for their children’s ADHD. Of course, the author’s thesis could turn out to have legs, but he apparently has not yet discovered any evidence of this, other than pointing out that adopted children may suffer from ADHD at even higher rates than their genetic inheritances should allow. (He doesn’t seem to have access to any research on why this is the case, only a gut instinct).
One representative point for me, and I feel terrible for mentioning this, occurs when the author takes a long personal detour to talk about an early childhood lived in the shadow of the end stages of the Hungarian Holocaust. His suggestion is that this personal and family trauma led to his ADHD. The idea is an interesting one but is unsupported by any Holocaust-survivor research whatsoever (at least he doesn’t bother to mention any) or any research related to the relationship between trauma and ADHD more generally.
I read a lot of very divided opinions about the book, which I don’t understand, and hope not to get caught up in. It’s not that the author couldn’t be right about the relationship between bad parenting (or trauma in general) and the onset of ADHD. It’s just that the author does nothing at all to prove the relationship. He does cite real ADHD research experts like Barkley, but always out of context.
One representative point for me, and I feel terrible for mentioning this, occurs when the author takes a long personal detour to talk about an early childhood lived in the shadow of the end stages of the Hungarian Holocaust. His suggestion is that this personal and family trauma led to his ADHD. The idea is an interesting one but is unsupported by any Holocaust-survivor research whatsoever (at least he doesn’t bother to mention any) or any research related to the relationship between trauma and ADHD more generally.
I read a lot of very divided opinions about the book, which I don’t understand, and hope not to get caught up in. It’s not that the author couldn’t be right about the relationship between bad parenting (or trauma in general) and the onset of ADHD. It’s just that the author does nothing at all to prove the relationship. He does cite real ADHD research experts like Barkley, but always out of context.
February 5, 2022
Basically anecdotes and unfounded hypotheses. No solution. The theory may not be wrong, but unsupported. No solutions provided, either. And the concept of ADD is outdated.
April 6, 2025
هذا الكتاب هو دعوة عميقة للفهم والرحمة، ليس فقط لمن يعانون من اضطراب نقص الانتباه، بل لكل من يشعر بأن التشتت أصبح مرض العصر.
أنصح به لكل شخص يعاني من ADHD، ولكل من يعيش أو يعمل أو يربّي شخصًا يعاني منه.
هو كتاب مُهم أن يقرأه كل أب وأم، وكل من هو مُقبل على الزواج أو الإنجاب، لأن فهمنا لأنفسنا هو الخطوة الأولى لفهم من حولنا.
لامسني تشبيه الدكتور جابور ماتيه لأنفسنا بأنها "الطفل الذي نرعاه"،
طفل يستحق الاهتمام، الحنان، والصبر—وليس الضغط، ولا اللوم.
نحتاج أن نفهم أنفسنا… ونمد لها يد العون، لا أن نحاسبها على ما لم تستطع أن تكونه تحت ظروف لم تخترها.
أنصح به لكل شخص يعاني من ADHD، ولكل من يعيش أو يعمل أو يربّي شخصًا يعاني منه.
هو كتاب مُهم أن يقرأه كل أب وأم، وكل من هو مُقبل على الزواج أو الإنجاب، لأن فهمنا لأنفسنا هو الخطوة الأولى لفهم من حولنا.
لامسني تشبيه الدكتور جابور ماتيه لأنفسنا بأنها "الطفل الذي نرعاه"،
طفل يستحق الاهتمام، الحنان، والصبر—وليس الضغط، ولا اللوم.
نحتاج أن نفهم أنفسنا… ونمد لها يد العون، لا أن نحاسبها على ما لم تستطع أن تكونه تحت ظروف لم تخترها.
October 13, 2020
I don't have ADD, as far as anyone can tell, but share enough of the challenges related to it that this book helped a lot.
"ADD adults don’t have low self-esteem because they are poor achievers, but it is due to their low self-esteem that they judge themselves and their achievements harshly. It is also, in part, due to low self-esteem that people do not reach their full potential, do not strive to locate within themselves fonts of creativity and self-expression, do not venture to embark on activities and projects where success is in doubt. They feel safer not trying, because their poor self-regard is terrified at the risk of failure. Much of my initial counseling with people is to help them recognize that in many ways the problem is not in what they have done in life but in how they view themselves. There live human beings afflicted with far more debilitating impairments who do not necessarily hold the low opinion of the self prevalent among ADD adults.
The deep shame of adults with attention deficit predates any recollections of poor achievement. The association between low self-esteem and attention deficit disorder is not that the first arises from the second, but that they both arise from the same sources: stress in the parenting environment and disrupted attunement/ attachment. Healthy development of self-esteem needs the atmosphere of what Carl Rogers called “unconditional positive regard.”* It requires that the adult world understand and accept as valid the child’s feelings, from which kernel the core self will grow. A child taught to disregard or mistrust her innermost feelings and thoughts assumes automatically that there is something shameful about them, and therefore about her very self."
"ADD adults don’t have low self-esteem because they are poor achievers, but it is due to their low self-esteem that they judge themselves and their achievements harshly. It is also, in part, due to low self-esteem that people do not reach their full potential, do not strive to locate within themselves fonts of creativity and self-expression, do not venture to embark on activities and projects where success is in doubt. They feel safer not trying, because their poor self-regard is terrified at the risk of failure. Much of my initial counseling with people is to help them recognize that in many ways the problem is not in what they have done in life but in how they view themselves. There live human beings afflicted with far more debilitating impairments who do not necessarily hold the low opinion of the self prevalent among ADD adults.
The deep shame of adults with attention deficit predates any recollections of poor achievement. The association between low self-esteem and attention deficit disorder is not that the first arises from the second, but that they both arise from the same sources: stress in the parenting environment and disrupted attunement/ attachment. Healthy development of self-esteem needs the atmosphere of what Carl Rogers called “unconditional positive regard.”* It requires that the adult world understand and accept as valid the child’s feelings, from which kernel the core self will grow. A child taught to disregard or mistrust her innermost feelings and thoughts assumes automatically that there is something shameful about them, and therefore about her very self."
August 10, 2022
Don’t read if you are a parent, the author will convince you that all of your child’s problems are your fault.
April 7, 2008
This is a most readable "meta-work" that elegantly synthesizes many important insights into developmental disorders, parental challenges and our shared cultural attention deficit trajectory. De-pathologizes the diagnosis of ADD and puts in into the profoundly meaningful and useful context of the new understandings of the neurobiology of attachment. You can kill two birds with this one book: gain important insights into the epidemic of ADD while learning the basics about "new attachment theory" and brain development. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!!
August 9, 2021
Maté's book presents an interesting theory of ADD, but it is not particularly useful.
Parents of ADD children or ADD adults themselves who have turned to this book for advice may find it frustratingly wishywashy. Maté ends Scattered Minds thus: "If we can actively love, there will be no attention deficit and no disorder."
If you're hoping for practical advice rather than platitudes, try reading Delivered From Distraction instead.
Parents of ADD children or ADD adults themselves who have turned to this book for advice may find it frustratingly wishywashy. Maté ends Scattered Minds thus: "If we can actively love, there will be no attention deficit and no disorder."
If you're hoping for practical advice rather than platitudes, try reading Delivered From Distraction instead.
June 5, 2012
Psychobabble fluff. More evidence to my assertion that the behavioral sciences are less a science and more speculative conjecture mixed with and driven by studies that do not properly control enough for cultural variables.
October 4, 2012
Reading this book was so incredible - it offered insight and changed my perspective on all the relationships in my life, though I picked it up because my boyfriend was recently diagnosed. I have a new understanding of my childhood and the amazing challenge of parenting, the children I care for and how to more compassionately observe my own patterns and care for myself. Not to mention my peek into the mind of the ADD boyfriend! I wanted to call someone or shout from the rooftop after every page because I felt so enlightened. Highly recommend!
October 17, 2024
الأفضل في مجاله
January 23, 2024
Save yourself the time and irritation. Do not read this book.
I made it about 20% of the way through, but I’m calling it. My goodness. Where to start?
First, I’ll begin with my own experience and understanding of ADHD. I have ADHD - inattentive type, severely impaired. I was diagnosed at age 8, received a second evaluation and began medication at age 14, and was evaluated a third time in my mid-twenties. I received the same diagnosis from different doctors all three times. I went off of my medication for 5 years in my late 20s and early 30s due to pregnancies and nursing. While I agree that the underlying cause of ADHD has both biological and environmental factors, I believe biology to be the main culprit. Environment can certainly play a very large role, though. I do believe diagnoses and ADHD meds are handed out far more than necessary, especially among children. All that said, it’s a very real and sometimes debilitating mental disorder. Much like other mental disorders, no two people with a diagnosis necessarily have the same experience or symptoms. There has been a lot of research around the disorder, but there is still a lot for us to learn as well. I began this book with an open mind and an eagerness to read what Maté had to offer on the subject.
And here it is: He doesn’t have much to offer at all. Any research he cites is shaky, outdated, and specifically supports his own narrative; but he also frequently uses anecdotal evidence to back his points. While I can appreciate his apparent self-awareness, I had anecdotal evidence of my own that found the opposite to be true.
Early in the book, he states “one can grow out of it at any age. The first step is to discard the illness model.”
It sounds as though many with ADHD, including those classified as severely impaired, are leaning into the diagnosis or using it as a crutch. It’s possible this was not intended to be the underlying meaning here. Maybe he’s implying that a diagnosis doesn’t always signify a lifelong struggle, as some are able to outgrow it. If that’s the case, it certainly could have been worded better. If not, I’m curious to know how I’m supposed to make myself better (though not curious enough to read any more of this book).
I have tried to change my life to better suite my neurospicy needs. Tracking and limiting screen time, no screens in the first hour of waking up, cold showers, healthy diet, routine exercise, meditation, tracking time spent in nature… and this wasn’t a week of effort. I’m talking months, years of bending over backward trying to fix myself without medication.
I understand that I didn’t change the fact that I live in a capitalist society driven by consumerism and instant gratification. Unfortunately, there isn’t much I can do about that. I often say that this society was not designed for my brain. I don’t know if any combination of healthy habits or medications will ever help me truly thrive in a society like ours. That’s something I have accepted and live with, but it doesn’t stop me from making efforts to make it easier on myself. I certainly haven’t thrown in the towel and just accepted my fate.
Symptoms vs. Signs:
He claims that people misuse “symptoms” regarding ADHD, because it doesn’t present symptoms, only “signs.” My sensory processing issues are perceived by me, not someone else. That’s a symptom that I experience and can identify. At this point, I’m wondering how much research this guy has actually read.
This is where he really started losing me:
Environmental stress and marital strain can trigger ADHD in children with biological predispositions. Y’ALL. Are we really going back to the Refrigerator Mother school of thought? Don’t parents of neurodivergent children have enough of a demanding job without pointing fingers and insinuating their children weren’t loved or protected enough?
I’m not saying environmental stressors couldn’t play a role. I think any combination of environmental and biological factors can contribute to ADHD. While I was initially delighted at his “it’s not just this one thing or the other” approach regarding a biological or environmental cause, I was disappointed that he identifies childhood environmental stress not only as the only environmental contributor, but an absolute requirement of having ADHD.
There are a variety of well-researched environmental factors that can contribute to or even worsen ADHD. Several chapters in, I read no mention of those other factors. To only point to environmental stressors or trauma is gross and irresponsible.
When discussing genetic predispositions, he states that those with ADHD are more likely to have immediate family who have addiction, depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues. He uses this to support his notion that those people likely grew up in high-stress environments where the adults were struggling. While that may be, he fails to mention that those issues are also ADHD comorbidities. So if you’re trying to disprove that someone has ADHD just because their relatives do, it’s not a great example. That could be argued either way.
And with this environmental stress argument, where are we drawing the line? He never actually defines whether it’s any stressor or a significant traumatic experience. The world is a wild place, and I can’t imagine any child isn’t exposed to some form of environmental stress at some point or another. My brother and I grew up in stable family with a good income, attended nice schools with faculty that was invested in our well-being, didn’t struggle with bullying or teasing, and were surrounded by loving friends and family. Where’s my environmental stress that triggered my ADHD? Why didn’t it trigger my brother’s? My struggles didn’t start until AFTER my ADHD symptoms began to present. To this day, my main stress in life has been dealing with ADHD. So if we’re using anecdotal evidence here, as Maté does, doesn’t my experience dispute his entire theory? Would he tell me I must have repressed something that my parents have chosen to hide from me?
Both of my kids were born within the last 5 years. If one of them is diagnosed later down the road, am I to assume it’s because they spent their early years with a mom who had very big concerns around a global pandemic, political insurrections, racial injustice, gruesome wars breaking out overseas, women’s reproductive rights, school shootings…? They weren’t directly exposed to any of it, but they were exposed to me. Of course they’ve seen me stressed or upset. I’m a human being. Their lives have been wonderful thus far, but obviously not free of imperfections. Should we just hide all negative emotions or reactions until they’re grown? Navigate life in blissful ignorance. Sweep it all under the rug. Surely that won’t have any negative consequences later in life.
There are a variety of neurodivergent people who have stress and trauma in their past, but many people, neurotypicals included, have that as well. We’ve all heard it and know it to be true: Correlation does not equal causation.
I made it about 20% of the way through, but I’m calling it. My goodness. Where to start?
First, I’ll begin with my own experience and understanding of ADHD. I have ADHD - inattentive type, severely impaired. I was diagnosed at age 8, received a second evaluation and began medication at age 14, and was evaluated a third time in my mid-twenties. I received the same diagnosis from different doctors all three times. I went off of my medication for 5 years in my late 20s and early 30s due to pregnancies and nursing. While I agree that the underlying cause of ADHD has both biological and environmental factors, I believe biology to be the main culprit. Environment can certainly play a very large role, though. I do believe diagnoses and ADHD meds are handed out far more than necessary, especially among children. All that said, it’s a very real and sometimes debilitating mental disorder. Much like other mental disorders, no two people with a diagnosis necessarily have the same experience or symptoms. There has been a lot of research around the disorder, but there is still a lot for us to learn as well. I began this book with an open mind and an eagerness to read what Maté had to offer on the subject.
And here it is: He doesn’t have much to offer at all. Any research he cites is shaky, outdated, and specifically supports his own narrative; but he also frequently uses anecdotal evidence to back his points. While I can appreciate his apparent self-awareness, I had anecdotal evidence of my own that found the opposite to be true.
Early in the book, he states “one can grow out of it at any age. The first step is to discard the illness model.”
It sounds as though many with ADHD, including those classified as severely impaired, are leaning into the diagnosis or using it as a crutch. It’s possible this was not intended to be the underlying meaning here. Maybe he’s implying that a diagnosis doesn’t always signify a lifelong struggle, as some are able to outgrow it. If that’s the case, it certainly could have been worded better. If not, I’m curious to know how I’m supposed to make myself better (though not curious enough to read any more of this book).
I have tried to change my life to better suite my neurospicy needs. Tracking and limiting screen time, no screens in the first hour of waking up, cold showers, healthy diet, routine exercise, meditation, tracking time spent in nature… and this wasn’t a week of effort. I’m talking months, years of bending over backward trying to fix myself without medication.
I understand that I didn’t change the fact that I live in a capitalist society driven by consumerism and instant gratification. Unfortunately, there isn’t much I can do about that. I often say that this society was not designed for my brain. I don’t know if any combination of healthy habits or medications will ever help me truly thrive in a society like ours. That’s something I have accepted and live with, but it doesn’t stop me from making efforts to make it easier on myself. I certainly haven’t thrown in the towel and just accepted my fate.
Symptoms vs. Signs:
He claims that people misuse “symptoms” regarding ADHD, because it doesn’t present symptoms, only “signs.” My sensory processing issues are perceived by me, not someone else. That’s a symptom that I experience and can identify. At this point, I’m wondering how much research this guy has actually read.
This is where he really started losing me:
Environmental stress and marital strain can trigger ADHD in children with biological predispositions. Y’ALL. Are we really going back to the Refrigerator Mother school of thought? Don’t parents of neurodivergent children have enough of a demanding job without pointing fingers and insinuating their children weren’t loved or protected enough?
I’m not saying environmental stressors couldn’t play a role. I think any combination of environmental and biological factors can contribute to ADHD. While I was initially delighted at his “it’s not just this one thing or the other” approach regarding a biological or environmental cause, I was disappointed that he identifies childhood environmental stress not only as the only environmental contributor, but an absolute requirement of having ADHD.
There are a variety of well-researched environmental factors that can contribute to or even worsen ADHD. Several chapters in, I read no mention of those other factors. To only point to environmental stressors or trauma is gross and irresponsible.
When discussing genetic predispositions, he states that those with ADHD are more likely to have immediate family who have addiction, depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues. He uses this to support his notion that those people likely grew up in high-stress environments where the adults were struggling. While that may be, he fails to mention that those issues are also ADHD comorbidities. So if you’re trying to disprove that someone has ADHD just because their relatives do, it’s not a great example. That could be argued either way.
And with this environmental stress argument, where are we drawing the line? He never actually defines whether it’s any stressor or a significant traumatic experience. The world is a wild place, and I can’t imagine any child isn’t exposed to some form of environmental stress at some point or another. My brother and I grew up in stable family with a good income, attended nice schools with faculty that was invested in our well-being, didn’t struggle with bullying or teasing, and were surrounded by loving friends and family. Where’s my environmental stress that triggered my ADHD? Why didn’t it trigger my brother’s? My struggles didn’t start until AFTER my ADHD symptoms began to present. To this day, my main stress in life has been dealing with ADHD. So if we’re using anecdotal evidence here, as Maté does, doesn’t my experience dispute his entire theory? Would he tell me I must have repressed something that my parents have chosen to hide from me?
Both of my kids were born within the last 5 years. If one of them is diagnosed later down the road, am I to assume it’s because they spent their early years with a mom who had very big concerns around a global pandemic, political insurrections, racial injustice, gruesome wars breaking out overseas, women’s reproductive rights, school shootings…? They weren’t directly exposed to any of it, but they were exposed to me. Of course they’ve seen me stressed or upset. I’m a human being. Their lives have been wonderful thus far, but obviously not free of imperfections. Should we just hide all negative emotions or reactions until they’re grown? Navigate life in blissful ignorance. Sweep it all under the rug. Surely that won’t have any negative consequences later in life.
There are a variety of neurodivergent people who have stress and trauma in their past, but many people, neurotypicals included, have that as well. We’ve all heard it and know it to be true: Correlation does not equal causation.
February 23, 2023
A dense book on the subject. The author has an internal and compassionate perspective, having ADD himself and having raised 3 children with ADD (apart from his experience in family practice and expertise in mental illness).
Another strength of the book is that it frames ADD not as an illness but as an underdevelopment - which I find empowering. "Instead of asking why a disorder or illness develops, we ask why a fully self-motivated and self-regulated human personality does not" (Focusing on what conditions are needed and what conditions inhibit / interfere with the growth process).
I have also found useful this caveat: “Learning about the psychological and biological mechanisms of ADD gives a map to the self. But only a map, no more. [Although lacking it -> discouraging confusion]. The map is not to be confused with the journey. It is still up to the individual to pluck the course.”
While I have found the book very useful (it explores healing ways of being with our children and ourselves), it does have its limitations (I have often felt as if everything was seen / explainted through the ADD lens, which in turn was seen through the lens of early childhood, as if surely something has gone wrong there. Ex: "each time we scream at someone in traffic we are telling a story from the earliest part of our life" - i thing rather we are telling a story of what we did with what has happened to us, it is more likely an ongoing story of becoming, of tiny choices turned into habits, a story of how we habitually dealt the hand that we were given). I also have a few points of disagreement with the author (for example it sometimes explains things by attributing to “nature” a super-intelligent mind and a very complex goal of its own).
All these being said, it is an important, revelatory, helpful read.
******
Here is how the book ends, it is one of my favorite passages:
"To love is to extend oneself toward another or toward oneself, says Dr. Peck. It so happens that this is also the precise meaning of giving attention to another person or to oneself. The origin of the word attend is the Latin tendere, “to stretch.” Attend means to extend, to stretch toward. If we can actively love, there will be no attention deficit and no disorder."
Below are some of my jotted notes"es:
Some descriptors of the ADD interior world:
*Many roads not travelled. Distractibility. Short attention span. Absent-mindeness. Daydreaming. Not-noticing, inattentiveness except hyperfocus in activities of high interest & motivation; lack of active attention in low interest tasks.
*Impulsivity (in decisions, purchases; on a whim, x forethought). Unmindful of the consequences. Poor impulse control.
*Hyperactivity: x ability for stillness, x ability for relaxation, always having a feeling that i ought to be doing smth else instead. Fidgety. Organic drivenness
*Restlessness + Procrastination until it is urgent: threat of failure / reward immediate to rouse the motivation apparatus
*Forgetting to remember the future - underdeveloped circuit of time intelligence: immature time-balance sense; chronic incapacity to consider the future (only the present exists with short term goals chosed over the ling term, except the acvitities and projects that arrouse the sluggish motivation-reward nexus in the brain)
*Lack of self-regulation: emotional intelligence undeveloped from childhood; low self-motivation; (Emotional intelligence: Being able to motivate oneself and persist in the face of frustrations; to control impulse and delay gratification; to regulate one's moods and keep distress from swamping the ability to think). Failures: rage as parents (like a toddler)
*Hypersensitivity (increased reactivity to emotional stimuli) - like "emotional allergies" - more easily affected by tone/words/the emotions of others (The gift behind: exiquisite tuning - artists, inventors, poets, prophets)
For parents
*giving your children the gift of a mindful, secure, reliable parental presence and a relationship that fosters growth instead of oppositionaloty/counterwill
*“attunement” is crucial - synchronized emotional response to the child, sharing & understanding how the other one is feeling - it is part of a healthy secure attachment *the importance of “unconditional positive regard” from parents toward their children (no conditions of worth attached to it “i care.”)
*accepting the child, not expecting him to be different, convey disapproval not rejection / emotional withdrawal, wooing the child;
*the dangers of over-criticism AND over-praise (“acquired self-esteem” is just as bad as low self-esteem)
*being compassionately curious about the cause/meaning of the child’s negative emotions / misbehaviours
*compassionate patience: tolerance for failure. allowing/making room for the child’s mistakes and his opportunity to learn from them
*diffusing counter-will
*not taking things personally, being flexible, not being dramatic/catastrophic/anxious *The warmth and satisfaction of positive contact with the adult is often just as good as a psychostimulant in supplying the child’s prefrontal cortex with dopamine
*bottomline: devote a lot of attention to them
! Self-regulation is like a thermostat / mammal thermoregulation that adapts in a wide range of habitats. It is the ability to maintain the internal environment within a safe range, regardless of external circumstance. Not controlled by: uncontrolled exuberance / despondency, not passive submission nor blind range. X despair etc
Children (immature in self-regulation) are like cold-blooded animas - internal balance easily upset by external variations, they are reacting instead of responding, hard transitions because of low flexibility.
“We think that children act, whereas what they mostly do is react. Parents who realize this acquire a powerful tool. By noticing their own responses to the child, rather than fixating on the child’s responses to them, they free up tremendous energy for growth”
! The importance of “the awareness that one does not know his or her spouse, his or her children. We may believe we have a perfect idea of why they act as they do, when in reality our beliefs reflect no more than our own anxieties.”
“Whenever we ascribe a motive to the other person, as in “you are doing this because...,” we discard curiosity and immobilise compassion.”
Self-parenting
*mindfulness instead of autopilot
*remember yourself in the future
*clear the physical space around you: organised effect on the mind.
*fight the “all or nothing mindset”, but small, incremental goals (ex. work for a strict timelimit)
*sleep hygiene, exercise, nutritious diet (which does not upset the glycemic flux), being outdoor (the beauty in nature is structured and soothes the mind),
*have a creative outlet (creativity is a strong point in add)
*prayer
Another strength of the book is that it frames ADD not as an illness but as an underdevelopment - which I find empowering. "Instead of asking why a disorder or illness develops, we ask why a fully self-motivated and self-regulated human personality does not" (Focusing on what conditions are needed and what conditions inhibit / interfere with the growth process).
I have also found useful this caveat: “Learning about the psychological and biological mechanisms of ADD gives a map to the self. But only a map, no more. [Although lacking it -> discouraging confusion]. The map is not to be confused with the journey. It is still up to the individual to pluck the course.”
While I have found the book very useful (it explores healing ways of being with our children and ourselves), it does have its limitations (I have often felt as if everything was seen / explainted through the ADD lens, which in turn was seen through the lens of early childhood, as if surely something has gone wrong there. Ex: "each time we scream at someone in traffic we are telling a story from the earliest part of our life" - i thing rather we are telling a story of what we did with what has happened to us, it is more likely an ongoing story of becoming, of tiny choices turned into habits, a story of how we habitually dealt the hand that we were given). I also have a few points of disagreement with the author (for example it sometimes explains things by attributing to “nature” a super-intelligent mind and a very complex goal of its own).
All these being said, it is an important, revelatory, helpful read.
******
Here is how the book ends, it is one of my favorite passages:
"To love is to extend oneself toward another or toward oneself, says Dr. Peck. It so happens that this is also the precise meaning of giving attention to another person or to oneself. The origin of the word attend is the Latin tendere, “to stretch.” Attend means to extend, to stretch toward. If we can actively love, there will be no attention deficit and no disorder."
Below are some of my jotted notes"es:
Some descriptors of the ADD interior world:
*Many roads not travelled. Distractibility. Short attention span. Absent-mindeness. Daydreaming. Not-noticing, inattentiveness except hyperfocus in activities of high interest & motivation; lack of active attention in low interest tasks.
*Impulsivity (in decisions, purchases; on a whim, x forethought). Unmindful of the consequences. Poor impulse control.
*Hyperactivity: x ability for stillness, x ability for relaxation, always having a feeling that i ought to be doing smth else instead. Fidgety. Organic drivenness
*Restlessness + Procrastination until it is urgent: threat of failure / reward immediate to rouse the motivation apparatus
*Forgetting to remember the future - underdeveloped circuit of time intelligence: immature time-balance sense; chronic incapacity to consider the future (only the present exists with short term goals chosed over the ling term, except the acvitities and projects that arrouse the sluggish motivation-reward nexus in the brain)
*Lack of self-regulation: emotional intelligence undeveloped from childhood; low self-motivation; (Emotional intelligence: Being able to motivate oneself and persist in the face of frustrations; to control impulse and delay gratification; to regulate one's moods and keep distress from swamping the ability to think). Failures: rage as parents (like a toddler)
*Hypersensitivity (increased reactivity to emotional stimuli) - like "emotional allergies" - more easily affected by tone/words/the emotions of others (The gift behind: exiquisite tuning - artists, inventors, poets, prophets)
For parents
*giving your children the gift of a mindful, secure, reliable parental presence and a relationship that fosters growth instead of oppositionaloty/counterwill
*“attunement” is crucial - synchronized emotional response to the child, sharing & understanding how the other one is feeling - it is part of a healthy secure attachment *the importance of “unconditional positive regard” from parents toward their children (no conditions of worth attached to it “i care.”)
*accepting the child, not expecting him to be different, convey disapproval not rejection / emotional withdrawal, wooing the child;
*the dangers of over-criticism AND over-praise (“acquired self-esteem” is just as bad as low self-esteem)
*being compassionately curious about the cause/meaning of the child’s negative emotions / misbehaviours
*compassionate patience: tolerance for failure. allowing/making room for the child’s mistakes and his opportunity to learn from them
*diffusing counter-will
*not taking things personally, being flexible, not being dramatic/catastrophic/anxious *The warmth and satisfaction of positive contact with the adult is often just as good as a psychostimulant in supplying the child’s prefrontal cortex with dopamine
*bottomline: devote a lot of attention to them
! Self-regulation is like a thermostat / mammal thermoregulation that adapts in a wide range of habitats. It is the ability to maintain the internal environment within a safe range, regardless of external circumstance. Not controlled by: uncontrolled exuberance / despondency, not passive submission nor blind range. X despair etc
Children (immature in self-regulation) are like cold-blooded animas - internal balance easily upset by external variations, they are reacting instead of responding, hard transitions because of low flexibility.
“We think that children act, whereas what they mostly do is react. Parents who realize this acquire a powerful tool. By noticing their own responses to the child, rather than fixating on the child’s responses to them, they free up tremendous energy for growth”
! The importance of “the awareness that one does not know his or her spouse, his or her children. We may believe we have a perfect idea of why they act as they do, when in reality our beliefs reflect no more than our own anxieties.”
“Whenever we ascribe a motive to the other person, as in “you are doing this because...,” we discard curiosity and immobilise compassion.”
Self-parenting
*mindfulness instead of autopilot
*remember yourself in the future
*clear the physical space around you: organised effect on the mind.
*fight the “all or nothing mindset”, but small, incremental goals (ex. work for a strict timelimit)
*sleep hygiene, exercise, nutritious diet (which does not upset the glycemic flux), being outdoor (the beauty in nature is structured and soothes the mind),
*have a creative outlet (creativity is a strong point in add)
*prayer
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