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Spiritual Bypassing: When Spirituality Disconnects Us from What Really Matters
Spiritual bypassing—the use of spiritual beliefs to avoid dealing with painful feelings, unresolved wounds, and developmental needs—is so pervasive that it goes largely unnoticed. The spiritual ideals of any tradition, whether Christian commandments or Buddhist precepts, can provide easy justification for practitioners to duck uncomfortable feelings in favor of more seemingly enlightened activity. When split off from fundamental psychological needs, such actions often do much more harm than good.
While other authors have touched on the subject, this is the first book fully devoted to spiritual bypassing. In the lineage of Chögyam Trungpa’s landmark Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism, Spiritual Bypassing provides an in-depth look at the unresolved or ignored psychological issues often masked as spirituality, including self-judgment, excessive niceness, and emotional dissociation. A longtime psychotherapist with an engaging writing style, Masters furthers the body of psychological insight into how we use (and abuse) religion in often unconscious ways. This book will hold particular appeal for those who grew up with an unstructured new-age spirituality now looking for a more mature spiritual practice, and for anyone seeking increased self-awareness and a more robust relationship with themselves and others.
While other authors have touched on the subject, this is the first book fully devoted to spiritual bypassing. In the lineage of Chögyam Trungpa’s landmark Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism, Spiritual Bypassing provides an in-depth look at the unresolved or ignored psychological issues often masked as spirituality, including self-judgment, excessive niceness, and emotional dissociation. A longtime psychotherapist with an engaging writing style, Masters furthers the body of psychological insight into how we use (and abuse) religion in often unconscious ways. This book will hold particular appeal for those who grew up with an unstructured new-age spirituality now looking for a more mature spiritual practice, and for anyone seeking increased self-awareness and a more robust relationship with themselves and others.
206 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2010
143 people are currently reading
1234 people want to read
About the author
Robert Augustus Masters
23 books83 followersRobert Augustus Masters was born in Victoria, British Columbia in 1947. From an early age he was an avid artist, but in high school switched to the sciences, with which he stayed until he found himself at the age of 21 in a PhD program in biochemistry. Little more than a year later, only a few hours after a dream of dying, he left his doctoral studies, and began an odyssey of intense travel, initially outer, then inner.
As he did so, his passion for the arts reemerged, especially through writing. He began meditating, doing yoga, and exploring cutting-edge therapies and trainings. By 1978 he was working as a therapist and bodyworker. From the beginning his work was integral and creatively structured, combining the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Structure was not (and still is not) preset, but was (and still is) allowed to emerge in fitting accordance with individual and group needs.
In 1981 he won his first literary prize — an all-expenses paid trip for two to Hawaii — for his story of a particularly perilous Indonesian adventure he’d had 8 years earlier. This spurred him to immerse himself more fully in his writing. He also deepened his psychospiritual work, which spread worldwide in the late 1980s.
In early 1994 his life abruptly and dramatically changed, following an extremely harrowing near-death experience, which is described in his book Darkness Shining Wild. Since 1986 he had been leading an experimental psychospiritual community (also described in Darkness Shining Wild), which had gradually gone strongly awry. He had become more and more of a guru, abusing his power, not seeing that what he was leading had become a cult. His near-death experience brought this to a halt, breaking him down so deeply that he could not resurrect his former way of being. A half year later, still shaken to the core and overcome with remorse, he disbanded the community, soon thereafter beginning a very different journey, that of fully facing and working through what had driven him so far off track.
A year later he resumed his work, but in a much more compassionate, radically inclusive manner, centered to a significant degree by the practice of becoming intimate with all that we are — high and low, dark and light, dying and undying. He became a student again, completing a PhD program in psychology at Saybrook Graduate School in 1999; his dissertation received the highest award (dissertation with distinction). In 1998 he co-edited the Fall issue of ReVision: A Journal of Consciousness and Transformation (the theme of the issue being “Intimate Relationships and Spirituality”).
Evolving in fitting parallel with his relationally-rooted psychospiritual work has been his writing. He is the author not only of fourteen books, but also of numerous essays. In 2000 his essay “Wrathful Compassion” won the Editor’s Award for the best article of the year in the Journal of Transpersonal Psychology. His essays have appeared in a number of publications, most recently Spanda Journal. His books have received critical acclaim; Christiane Northrup, Jean Houston, Ken Wilber, Harville Hendrix, and Jack Kornfield are among those who have strongly endorsed his writing. In 2008 his book Transformation Through Intimacy was a Nautilus Book Awards finalist (Silver Winner). His latest book is To Be a Man: A Guide to True Masculine Power.
As he did so, his passion for the arts reemerged, especially through writing. He began meditating, doing yoga, and exploring cutting-edge therapies and trainings. By 1978 he was working as a therapist and bodyworker. From the beginning his work was integral and creatively structured, combining the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Structure was not (and still is not) preset, but was (and still is) allowed to emerge in fitting accordance with individual and group needs.
In 1981 he won his first literary prize — an all-expenses paid trip for two to Hawaii — for his story of a particularly perilous Indonesian adventure he’d had 8 years earlier. This spurred him to immerse himself more fully in his writing. He also deepened his psychospiritual work, which spread worldwide in the late 1980s.
In early 1994 his life abruptly and dramatically changed, following an extremely harrowing near-death experience, which is described in his book Darkness Shining Wild. Since 1986 he had been leading an experimental psychospiritual community (also described in Darkness Shining Wild), which had gradually gone strongly awry. He had become more and more of a guru, abusing his power, not seeing that what he was leading had become a cult. His near-death experience brought this to a halt, breaking him down so deeply that he could not resurrect his former way of being. A half year later, still shaken to the core and overcome with remorse, he disbanded the community, soon thereafter beginning a very different journey, that of fully facing and working through what had driven him so far off track.
A year later he resumed his work, but in a much more compassionate, radically inclusive manner, centered to a significant degree by the practice of becoming intimate with all that we are — high and low, dark and light, dying and undying. He became a student again, completing a PhD program in psychology at Saybrook Graduate School in 1999; his dissertation received the highest award (dissertation with distinction). In 1998 he co-edited the Fall issue of ReVision: A Journal of Consciousness and Transformation (the theme of the issue being “Intimate Relationships and Spirituality”).
Evolving in fitting parallel with his relationally-rooted psychospiritual work has been his writing. He is the author not only of fourteen books, but also of numerous essays. In 2000 his essay “Wrathful Compassion” won the Editor’s Award for the best article of the year in the Journal of Transpersonal Psychology. His essays have appeared in a number of publications, most recently Spanda Journal. His books have received critical acclaim; Christiane Northrup, Jean Houston, Ken Wilber, Harville Hendrix, and Jack Kornfield are among those who have strongly endorsed his writing. In 2008 his book Transformation Through Intimacy was a Nautilus Book Awards finalist (Silver Winner). His latest book is To Be a Man: A Guide to True Masculine Power.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 44 reviews
June 25, 2020
I’m seriously late with updating goodreads with books I’ve read, so I’m starting with this review.
Read for the lecture I’ve done. Absolute must-read for every person even remotely interested in the topic. The main subject is a spiritual bypass - ways people use spiritual practices to escape from their psychological wounds, emotional conflicts and developmental issues - to avoid individuation and adulthood. So much hard-won wisdom and healthy standpoints conveyed in such an accessible way, with lots of practical advice on how to live authentic spiritual life, while not neglecting or being consumed and controlled by any part of yourself - reason, emotions or psychological wounds. The points are made in a detailed and concrete way. I would recommend this book for believers and spiritual people (no matter which religion or denomination) who want live their faith in a true, constructive, healthy way, as well as for atheists, agnostics or people that have issues with faith and spirituality, because I think spiritual bypass is the main thing which makes believers sometimes annoying. I was really inspired with this book and thought and wrote about the topic extensively after I have finished the book.
It is a rarely talked about topic in both the psychological and spiritual realm, and it should be more well known about. I referred to it heavily in my lecture and the people were highly interested and deeply internally moved as they saw things they do they perceived as holy and spiritual while in practice it is repressing their true self and damaging relationships that they have with others and the world. It is nothing new that spiritual practice can be a sneaky neurosis but this is such a wide-range in depth study that really covers very different ways of its manifestation. For instance masking narcissism in enlightenment, justifying pathological guilt with redemption, acting in a masochistic self sacrificing way with the excuse of holiness, not having ability to confront someone and establish boundaries and condone it with the idea of empathy and so on. The writing style is really approachable so a wide range of people can easily understand this book and benefit from it, even if they don’t have any training in psychotherapy or psychology. Highly recommend!
Read for the lecture I’ve done. Absolute must-read for every person even remotely interested in the topic. The main subject is a spiritual bypass - ways people use spiritual practices to escape from their psychological wounds, emotional conflicts and developmental issues - to avoid individuation and adulthood. So much hard-won wisdom and healthy standpoints conveyed in such an accessible way, with lots of practical advice on how to live authentic spiritual life, while not neglecting or being consumed and controlled by any part of yourself - reason, emotions or psychological wounds. The points are made in a detailed and concrete way. I would recommend this book for believers and spiritual people (no matter which religion or denomination) who want live their faith in a true, constructive, healthy way, as well as for atheists, agnostics or people that have issues with faith and spirituality, because I think spiritual bypass is the main thing which makes believers sometimes annoying. I was really inspired with this book and thought and wrote about the topic extensively after I have finished the book.
It is a rarely talked about topic in both the psychological and spiritual realm, and it should be more well known about. I referred to it heavily in my lecture and the people were highly interested and deeply internally moved as they saw things they do they perceived as holy and spiritual while in practice it is repressing their true self and damaging relationships that they have with others and the world. It is nothing new that spiritual practice can be a sneaky neurosis but this is such a wide-range in depth study that really covers very different ways of its manifestation. For instance masking narcissism in enlightenment, justifying pathological guilt with redemption, acting in a masochistic self sacrificing way with the excuse of holiness, not having ability to confront someone and establish boundaries and condone it with the idea of empathy and so on. The writing style is really approachable so a wide range of people can easily understand this book and benefit from it, even if they don’t have any training in psychotherapy or psychology. Highly recommend!
January 9, 2014
Please be informed that Robert Masters was once the leader of a Cult named Xanthyros where he used brain washing techniques and damaged the lives of many of its members. This cult ended in 1994 when Robert had a drug induced near death experience that left him in need of constant care, at which point the members disbanded. Please, do not trust this man with your emotional and psychological well-being. Truly, he should not be able to practice any form of psychology with the atrocities he committed in his past.
June 7, 2012
While I do not agree with everything Masters asserts, I agree with much of what he observes about spiritual bypassing and its barriers to experiencing a mature spirituality and our own wholeness. This is an important and timely book for anyone who identifies as having a non-dual spiritual belief system. From my experience, in myself, and from my interactions with those in spiritual community, spiritual bypassing seems to be the modern version of the tradition hypocrisy of traditional Christian church-goers. By shadowing what appears too dark in us, we do not adequately address it but rather simply let it fester beneath the surface of our smiles and affirmations. Masters makes a good point in saying, essentially, that be rejecting our "negativity," we are actually participating in a spirituality of dualism though we claim to believe in non-duality -- that we are One.
December 6, 2010
An important book for anyone who counts themselves as a seeker, or as being on a spiritual path.
Robert Masters challenges our use of spiritual methodologies, asking us to consider in what way we're using them to deny our pain, our own issues. Do we use meditation to keep a distance from the real world? Do we make excuses for the behaviour of others in the name of Love, to obscure our own denial?
Is our spiritual seeking simply an alternative to alcohol, drugs, food or any other addiction you care to mention?
Thought provoking and not a little uncomfortable, I could place a tick against most chapters...done that, tick, still doing that, tick!
Robert Masters challenges our use of spiritual methodologies, asking us to consider in what way we're using them to deny our pain, our own issues. Do we use meditation to keep a distance from the real world? Do we make excuses for the behaviour of others in the name of Love, to obscure our own denial?
Is our spiritual seeking simply an alternative to alcohol, drugs, food or any other addiction you care to mention?
Thought provoking and not a little uncomfortable, I could place a tick against most chapters...done that, tick, still doing that, tick!
November 17, 2020
I picked up this book within 24 hours of a yoga teacher in New York (Jivamukti studio) folding mention of it into his dharma talk--"if I could recommend one book to everyone for the next ten years, it would be Spiritual Bypassing," he said.
Since he spoke with such resonance on other matters, I trusted him. Glad I did. This book is essential. We are going through a powerful shift and the human collective is gaining so much access to information and experiencing a transition into being seekers as a general way of life. Yoga, tantra, positive affirmations, scientology, spirituality, religions, all kinds of practices and ideologies that soothe the journey of people alive in an age where traditions have given way to individuals as the creators of their own realities.
Great! Yet something is kind of happening to people--there is a big elephant in the room when it comes to this kind of stuff and that elephant has to do with denial of feelings and personal place.
Specifically, Masters, in this eloquently written book, unpacks the concept of a mild cognitive dissonance that takes place when people try to spiritually justify a complete detachment from responsibilities and experiences in their own skin.
Some of the more profound moments in this book as I recall center on his explanation of sex--totally avoiding a dogmatic/moral line, he explores how it is used as a medication to avoid intimacy and the shift that is required to consider it a vehicle that drives us deeper into it.
We want to escape our bodies, or label them. And Masters keenly suggests that body and soul are one. He examines, in this age of reincarnation studies and quantum physical laws that may, very well yes, suggest that people never truly "die" that indeed their body does and with it a soul's legacy. The inseparability of these two is his point.
What he is essentially trying to do is ground us. To say "hey, I know everything out there is encouraging you to be positive, be detached, be above it but sometimes you need to cry and sometimes before you can forgive you need to feel deep anger."
This book is a healer--highly recommend.
Since he spoke with such resonance on other matters, I trusted him. Glad I did. This book is essential. We are going through a powerful shift and the human collective is gaining so much access to information and experiencing a transition into being seekers as a general way of life. Yoga, tantra, positive affirmations, scientology, spirituality, religions, all kinds of practices and ideologies that soothe the journey of people alive in an age where traditions have given way to individuals as the creators of their own realities.
Great! Yet something is kind of happening to people--there is a big elephant in the room when it comes to this kind of stuff and that elephant has to do with denial of feelings and personal place.
Specifically, Masters, in this eloquently written book, unpacks the concept of a mild cognitive dissonance that takes place when people try to spiritually justify a complete detachment from responsibilities and experiences in their own skin.
Some of the more profound moments in this book as I recall center on his explanation of sex--totally avoiding a dogmatic/moral line, he explores how it is used as a medication to avoid intimacy and the shift that is required to consider it a vehicle that drives us deeper into it.
We want to escape our bodies, or label them. And Masters keenly suggests that body and soul are one. He examines, in this age of reincarnation studies and quantum physical laws that may, very well yes, suggest that people never truly "die" that indeed their body does and with it a soul's legacy. The inseparability of these two is his point.
What he is essentially trying to do is ground us. To say "hey, I know everything out there is encouraging you to be positive, be detached, be above it but sometimes you need to cry and sometimes before you can forgive you need to feel deep anger."
This book is a healer--highly recommend.
June 20, 2013
Along with Eyes Wide Open by Mariana Caplan you have a foolproof bullshit detector which will keep you from fooling yourself and avoiding the the ersatz, megalomaniacal gurus out there in the spiritual marketplace!
Read
December 24, 2021Oh no. I read other peoples review of this book half way through, and now I’m so put off by the authors past behaviour that I can’t give an opinion on the book without being completely coloured by his actions. If you were abusive and were running a cult in your past I don’t think you are the right person to be writing this book. But then again it *does make sense* that a narcissist would take on the topic. Plus ça change….
October 11, 2023
This book always reminds me that overly spiritual people are lacking common sense and reality based thinking. I pull it down, now and then, for a reminder.
September 27, 2016
This book is for anybody who is sincere about the totality of spiritual liberation. Masters really cuts through all the "new-age" spiritual fallacies which have become as pop-culture as reality TV. With humor and a tender heart Masters re-orientates our focus to the real spiritual liberation which does not exclude the physical or psychological planes of consciousness. In understanding that time and eternity are the back and front of each other, so to speak, Masters beautifully explains that the personal is such an intrinsic part of our Being that should not be ignored as most modern spiritual teachers mistakenly assume. When you read this book you will gain a deeper understanding of what we commonly call the "ego" but not in the sense that we usually label it as "bad" or something to get rid of, as if it even exists. If you are sincere about understanding that you can never have the positive without the negative, and that negativity in reality has no relationship to being wrong or bad, then this is for you.
Read
August 10, 2011Authentic spiritual life is the opportunity of a lifetime. It is a constant dying into a deeper life.
Emerging from our own ashes becomes no big deal; it's just the way things are.
Here the ten thousand sorrows and the ten thousand joys intermingle in unparalleled song, we their infinite notes and the music that goes on, in the moment that is all moments.'
- (Chapter 22).
This book is likely to tear you apart into pieces. If you can enjoy that process, all the better!
Emerging from our own ashes becomes no big deal; it's just the way things are.
Here the ten thousand sorrows and the ten thousand joys intermingle in unparalleled song, we their infinite notes and the music that goes on, in the moment that is all moments.'
- (Chapter 22).
This book is likely to tear you apart into pieces. If you can enjoy that process, all the better!
December 23, 2017
Just so folks know, my completed review of this book was lost by Goodreads. I spent hours writing a review of this book last night (11-25-17) but when I went to save/upload it to the Goodreads page, it completely disappeared and I lost all of my writing.
Lesson learned? = NEVER write your review in their pop up window. ALWAYS write it in your own word processor that auto-saves your work.
So there's my review (until I find another 2-3 hours to rewrite the damn thing).
Lesson learned? = NEVER write your review in their pop up window. ALWAYS write it in your own word processor that auto-saves your work.
So there's my review (until I find another 2-3 hours to rewrite the damn thing).
August 1, 2021
Disagree heartily with his use of healthy and unhealthy shame. I don’t believe shame is healthy, ever. Wish he has distinguished between guilt and shame in the way that Brené Brown does.
Also am unsure of his premise of What Really Matters”, as if there is one thing out there that does. I guess I could agree with it in the general sense of overall well-being for each individual.
Aside from those items, really got a lot out of it.
Also am unsure of his premise of What Really Matters”, as if there is one thing out there that does. I guess I could agree with it in the general sense of overall well-being for each individual.
Aside from those items, really got a lot out of it.
April 5, 2021
Beautiful and very much needed book!
Explained to me why I am at such an unease with magical thinkers and their egoic narccisim.
Personally though I dont think psychotherapy is the only way to go in meeting our pains and shames in their full colour.
Explained to me why I am at such an unease with magical thinkers and their egoic narccisim.
Personally though I dont think psychotherapy is the only way to go in meeting our pains and shames in their full colour.
January 28, 2014
I found this book accessible (I only had to look up one word in the dictionary: numinous). It is just under 200 pages (excluding index). In this current book (my only point of reference for this author) I found an insightful, helpful, intellectually rigorous, down-to-earth, common sense, and even confessional: e.g. in Ch. 19 he uses his own personal medical issue as an example of how to consider the question of whether (and to what extent, if any) we create our reality by thinking, wishing, or affirming. His discussion of this and other questions is nuanced, and he explains his reasoning carefully and intelligently.
He provides a methodical survey of the subject matter, wherein he urges a deep, thorough, and inclusive practice without bypassing or skipping certain components, which he argues convincingly are essential and necessary. He also includes 2 appendices, 1. for professional psychotherapists, in which he urges them to be flexible, firm, intuitive, and able to improvise attentively beyond the confines of whatever method they are using; 2. a summary on working with and integrating body, mind, emotion & spirit (in the appendix, he introduces the idea of Soul for the first time in the book). I plan to re-read this book again, and possible attend a live event or book tour talk featuring Robert Augustus Masters, as I did after reading Mark Epstein's Thoughts Without a Thinker.
He provides a methodical survey of the subject matter, wherein he urges a deep, thorough, and inclusive practice without bypassing or skipping certain components, which he argues convincingly are essential and necessary. He also includes 2 appendices, 1. for professional psychotherapists, in which he urges them to be flexible, firm, intuitive, and able to improvise attentively beyond the confines of whatever method they are using; 2. a summary on working with and integrating body, mind, emotion & spirit (in the appendix, he introduces the idea of Soul for the first time in the book). I plan to re-read this book again, and possible attend a live event or book tour talk featuring Robert Augustus Masters, as I did after reading Mark Epstein's Thoughts Without a Thinker.
April 25, 2011
This book is a very important for anyone interested in spiritual growth. The main point is to identify ways in which we use "spirituality" as a way to avoid pain and emotion. The concept is powerful and the exploration of the specifics of such spiritual bypassing is thorough. The style is also simple and incredibly easy to read.
My main qualms is:
In focusing on the ways in which we use spirituality to build our egos and avoid emotions, Masters rarely shows the positive aspects of spiritual practices. One might come away from this book thinking that compassion, non-judgement, and other "spiritual" traits are undesirable, instead of realizing that the way in which we understand those terms can be destructive. In simplifying the prose one gets the impression that the only way to be truly spiritual is to dig deep into emotions and pain. I just don't agree at all. I think that's a huge and important piece; indeed one cannot develop past a certain point without becoming intimate with our pain. I just think its a fraction of spirituality.
So, read it. But read it with a grain of salt. It can illuminate ways in which you are using "spirituality" to hide from yourself. But don't be fooled into thinking that that's real spirituality. Its just a misinterpretation of what real spirituality is.
My main qualms is:
In focusing on the ways in which we use spirituality to build our egos and avoid emotions, Masters rarely shows the positive aspects of spiritual practices. One might come away from this book thinking that compassion, non-judgement, and other "spiritual" traits are undesirable, instead of realizing that the way in which we understand those terms can be destructive. In simplifying the prose one gets the impression that the only way to be truly spiritual is to dig deep into emotions and pain. I just don't agree at all. I think that's a huge and important piece; indeed one cannot develop past a certain point without becoming intimate with our pain. I just think its a fraction of spirituality.
So, read it. But read it with a grain of salt. It can illuminate ways in which you are using "spirituality" to hide from yourself. But don't be fooled into thinking that that's real spirituality. Its just a misinterpretation of what real spirituality is.
September 17, 2013
some chapters: Let's Stop Being Negative About Our Negativity | The Anatomy of Magical Thinking | Making Wise Use of Anger | Disembodied Spirituality and Embodied Being | Bringing Shame Out of the Shadows
"Spiritual bypassing distances us not only from our pain and difficult personal issues but also from our own authentic spirituality, stranding us in a metaphysical limbo, a zone of exaggerated gentleness, niceness, and superficiality. Its frequently disconnected nature keeps it adrift, clinging to the life jacket of its self-conferred spiritual credentials. As such, it maroons us from embodying our full humanity."
"Spiritual bypassing distances us not only from our pain and difficult personal issues but also from our own authentic spirituality, stranding us in a metaphysical limbo, a zone of exaggerated gentleness, niceness, and superficiality. Its frequently disconnected nature keeps it adrift, clinging to the life jacket of its self-conferred spiritual credentials. As such, it maroons us from embodying our full humanity."
August 27, 2023
I like the book. I found it easy to read and to understand it's contents in the light of my own experiences. We all engage or have engaged in spiritual bypassing to a certain extent, in our search for relief of our pain and problems. The book increased the extent to which I can understand the trap and promise of spiritual bypassing, as well as how to recognize it and to distinguish from deep psychotherapeutic work. I like how the author explains how spirituality can and should be grounded, how it can be part of our daily lives and interwoven in a therapeutic process.
March 12, 2012
A very uncomfortable book to read. Although the author has never met me, he is very good at calling me on my crap. I think it's a message to take to heart and to be given considerable thought and reflection.
September 29, 2013
A good book about psychotherapy, spirituality, and life. Spiritual Bypassing is common to all of us who don't want to face certain emotions. This book teaches us how to live with awareness in the present moment and to embrace the emotions and experiences that come our way.
November 29, 2011
a few interesting points, but otherwise a bit woolly and verbose
July 2, 2012
I found it quite interesting over all and think its save to say that a couple of its chapters where actually life changing.
Read
January 21, 2017Must read for anyone who is on a conscious spiritual path. An eye opener
September 29, 2022
Yowza. Read this 3 times through.
Spiritual bypassing - using spiritual beliefs and practices to avoid dealing with pain and developmental needs. It even sacralizes the avoidance. And can include dissociation, repression, positivity, anger phobia, tolerance, porous boundaries, disembodiment, arrogant delusions.
This has correlated with interest in eastern spiritually since the 60s and books like The Secret.
Spirituality is not a high. It is real and grounded. What receives light must endure burning.
SB has unspoken grief underlying it.
Dont numb yourself to your numbness
There are no negative emotions. Just negative things you do with them
Dont break down, break open, until you have room for the feels without being overun by it
Feel fear, dont fall into its grip, and you will become less fearful of it. Become intimate with your painful feels and you will become free. They arent pathologies. Take it by the hand and look at it. Feel its woundedness.
Compassion can become blind and turn into condescending pity or confrontation phobic tolerance. We can become harmony junkies.
Dont feel guilty if you judge. Its what the mind does. Its what you do with it that matters.
Healthy transcendence embraces whats been transcended. The opposite is dissociation in holy drag
We have to descend as well as ascend. Down is where seeds flourish and roots grow.
SB presents itself as a fast track to enlightenment.
Do you meditate to tranquilize yourself?
A psychedelic can take you to the top of the mountain. But with so little of yourself there, you cant call it a true arrival without the grounding and embodiment of the climb itself.
If i havent gone to the core of my fear, how can i be there with you when you go to yours? P47
We must fully feel our shadow side. There are tiny fists pounding on the inside of your chest
Turning toward our pain is abt bringing into our hearts all that we have rejected, disowned, or seen as unworthy in ourselves.
Expand your boundaries and soften around your area of pain to give it more room to breathe
The more intimate we are with our pain the leas we suffer
Face the dragons that guard the treasure you seek. They are part of the path
Are you sitting with your anger or sitting on it?
A healthy boundary is an energetic membrane. It protects you from intrusion but can soften and open to what is good for you. A collapsed boundary is not an expanded boundary
Relationships can have unhealthy separation (dissociation) and unhealthy connectedness (fusion)
Unity isnt always blissful. The neonate hasnt transcended (undeveloped) boundaries.
Is your belly really below you?
A journey back to the body is an unraveling of the estrangement. Its a journey into and through the pain. Name the pain, and step toward it
We arent literally our body, it expresses rather than contains us
The body only asks to be loved, lived, and illuminated. It aches to be known before its demise.
We may have to “eat” trauma, but we dont need to “digest” it. See the amoeba that stores ink from dirty water in vacuoles and releases them in clean water. Where are you holding trauma?
The body is shaped by where it has been, and where has it not been?
Do you beat yourself up before others can?
Shame follows the belief that you created your own illness
Shame is often turned into anger in order to get it away from us
Its not all projection. Sometimes people are acting like assholes
Ego is a cult of one, some couples are a cult of two.
Dont declare war on your cancer, get in deep dialogue with it
In nondual awareness the personality os no longer the locus of the self, nonetheless it persists
Its dualist to cling to the idea of nondualism
By sayin “I” want to awaken is to reinforce the selfhood that you are trying to transcend
Nagarjuna- There is a trap of believing in emptiness
Without a capacity for shame there would be no conscience
Guilt makes us small, it gives us tacit approval to do the “bad” deed if we accept our punishment
Efficacious psychotherapy is both crucible and sanctuary
Spiritual bypassing - using spiritual beliefs and practices to avoid dealing with pain and developmental needs. It even sacralizes the avoidance. And can include dissociation, repression, positivity, anger phobia, tolerance, porous boundaries, disembodiment, arrogant delusions.
This has correlated with interest in eastern spiritually since the 60s and books like The Secret.
Spirituality is not a high. It is real and grounded. What receives light must endure burning.
SB has unspoken grief underlying it.
Dont numb yourself to your numbness
There are no negative emotions. Just negative things you do with them
Dont break down, break open, until you have room for the feels without being overun by it
Feel fear, dont fall into its grip, and you will become less fearful of it. Become intimate with your painful feels and you will become free. They arent pathologies. Take it by the hand and look at it. Feel its woundedness.
Compassion can become blind and turn into condescending pity or confrontation phobic tolerance. We can become harmony junkies.
Dont feel guilty if you judge. Its what the mind does. Its what you do with it that matters.
Healthy transcendence embraces whats been transcended. The opposite is dissociation in holy drag
We have to descend as well as ascend. Down is where seeds flourish and roots grow.
SB presents itself as a fast track to enlightenment.
Do you meditate to tranquilize yourself?
A psychedelic can take you to the top of the mountain. But with so little of yourself there, you cant call it a true arrival without the grounding and embodiment of the climb itself.
If i havent gone to the core of my fear, how can i be there with you when you go to yours? P47
We must fully feel our shadow side. There are tiny fists pounding on the inside of your chest
Turning toward our pain is abt bringing into our hearts all that we have rejected, disowned, or seen as unworthy in ourselves.
Expand your boundaries and soften around your area of pain to give it more room to breathe
The more intimate we are with our pain the leas we suffer
Face the dragons that guard the treasure you seek. They are part of the path
Are you sitting with your anger or sitting on it?
A healthy boundary is an energetic membrane. It protects you from intrusion but can soften and open to what is good for you. A collapsed boundary is not an expanded boundary
Relationships can have unhealthy separation (dissociation) and unhealthy connectedness (fusion)
Unity isnt always blissful. The neonate hasnt transcended (undeveloped) boundaries.
Is your belly really below you?
A journey back to the body is an unraveling of the estrangement. Its a journey into and through the pain. Name the pain, and step toward it
We arent literally our body, it expresses rather than contains us
The body only asks to be loved, lived, and illuminated. It aches to be known before its demise.
We may have to “eat” trauma, but we dont need to “digest” it. See the amoeba that stores ink from dirty water in vacuoles and releases them in clean water. Where are you holding trauma?
The body is shaped by where it has been, and where has it not been?
Do you beat yourself up before others can?
Shame follows the belief that you created your own illness
Shame is often turned into anger in order to get it away from us
Its not all projection. Sometimes people are acting like assholes
Ego is a cult of one, some couples are a cult of two.
Dont declare war on your cancer, get in deep dialogue with it
In nondual awareness the personality os no longer the locus of the self, nonetheless it persists
Its dualist to cling to the idea of nondualism
By sayin “I” want to awaken is to reinforce the selfhood that you are trying to transcend
Nagarjuna- There is a trap of believing in emptiness
Without a capacity for shame there would be no conscience
Guilt makes us small, it gives us tacit approval to do the “bad” deed if we accept our punishment
Efficacious psychotherapy is both crucible and sanctuary
June 8, 2023
As a psychotherapist who specializes in spiritual and nondual integration, I'm sorry I didn't find this book when it first came out. I'll be recommending to many friends and clients. Not that it is a hugely incredible book - but it is solid and covers the bases. Lots of repitition, but what I like is that it addresses the major pitfalls of spiritual bypassing without getting shaming or blaming, always staying in an intelligent and compassionate stance. As someone who was a grand master in spiritual bypassing, I was laughing all the way through, seeing that every chapter was a chapter of my own life, it seems. I'm fascinated with this topic, and I'm writing about it myself. It seems like all these ways we bypass (note the chapter subjects: avoidance of negativity, boundaries, magical thinking, workign with anger, seeing blind compassion, sex and sexuality, disembodied versus embodied, responsibility for illness), all of these are almost like mandatory stepping stones in our spiritual journey. At least they were for me. We have to find out what spirituality is not, before we really know what it is.
Anyway i think this book could help a lot of people who might get otherwise lost in some of these ways that they are trying to shortcut themselves. It's rarely obvious when you are doing it.
Kudos to the author for writing a smart and useful book. My guess is that it will survive the test of time and i hope and trust that as the world opens more and more to our 'spiritual' reality, books like this get more and more attention.
Anyway i think this book could help a lot of people who might get otherwise lost in some of these ways that they are trying to shortcut themselves. It's rarely obvious when you are doing it.
Kudos to the author for writing a smart and useful book. My guess is that it will survive the test of time and i hope and trust that as the world opens more and more to our 'spiritual' reality, books like this get more and more attention.
October 27, 2020
2020.10.24–2020.10.27
Contents
Masters RA (2010) (05:36) Spiritual Bypassing - When Spirituality Disconnects Us from What Really Matters
01. Avoidance in Holy Drag: An Introduction to Spiritual Bypassing
02. Cutting Through Spiritual Bypassing
03. Let’s Stop Being Negative About Our Negativity
04. Blind Compassion: Neurotic Tolerance in Caring’s Robes
05. Healthy and Unhealthy Transcendence
06. Cutting Through Spiritual Shortcuts
07. Bringing Shadow Work out of the Shadows
08. What Generates Spiritual Bypassing?
09. The Anatomy of Magical Thinking
10. Why Don’t More Spiritual Teachers Include Psychotherapy in Their Work?
11. Making Wise Use of Anger
12. Boundaries Make Freedom Possible
13. Don’t Take It Personally?
14. Releasing Sex from the Obligation to Make Us Feel Better
15. Neither Romancing Nor Fleeing Relationship
16. Disembodied Spirituality and Embodied Being
17. True Responsibility: Heart, Guts, Accountability
18. Spiritual Gullibility and Cultism
19. Are We Responsible for Our Illness?
20. When Nondual Teachings Are Not Nondual
21. Bringing Shame out of the Shadows
22. When Our Honeymoon with Spirituality Is Over
Appendix I: The Method of No Method: Intuitive Integral Psychotherapy
Appendix II: Illuminating and Integrating Body, Mind, Emotion, and Spirituality
• I. Working with Our Body
• II. Working with Our Mind
• III. Working with Our Emotions
• IV. Working with the Spiritual
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Contents
Masters RA (2010) (05:36) Spiritual Bypassing - When Spirituality Disconnects Us from What Really Matters
01. Avoidance in Holy Drag: An Introduction to Spiritual Bypassing
02. Cutting Through Spiritual Bypassing
03. Let’s Stop Being Negative About Our Negativity
04. Blind Compassion: Neurotic Tolerance in Caring’s Robes
05. Healthy and Unhealthy Transcendence
06. Cutting Through Spiritual Shortcuts
07. Bringing Shadow Work out of the Shadows
08. What Generates Spiritual Bypassing?
09. The Anatomy of Magical Thinking
10. Why Don’t More Spiritual Teachers Include Psychotherapy in Their Work?
11. Making Wise Use of Anger
12. Boundaries Make Freedom Possible
13. Don’t Take It Personally?
14. Releasing Sex from the Obligation to Make Us Feel Better
15. Neither Romancing Nor Fleeing Relationship
16. Disembodied Spirituality and Embodied Being
17. True Responsibility: Heart, Guts, Accountability
18. Spiritual Gullibility and Cultism
19. Are We Responsible for Our Illness?
20. When Nondual Teachings Are Not Nondual
21. Bringing Shame out of the Shadows
22. When Our Honeymoon with Spirituality Is Over
Appendix I: The Method of No Method: Intuitive Integral Psychotherapy
Appendix II: Illuminating and Integrating Body, Mind, Emotion, and Spirituality
• I. Working with Our Body
• II. Working with Our Mind
• III. Working with Our Emotions
• IV. Working with the Spiritual
Acknowledgments
About the Author
August 13, 2020
Good overview on how we bypass doing the work of living with our darker sides, such as anger, loneliness, shame, etc.
The book also does a great job in how we often fail to recognize and integrate these darker, shadow parts of us in which we tend to avoid that are also part of our growth and journey. The author also mentions that not only do we avoid these growing parts, we can also shift responsibility to others when we ourselves need to address our own emotions.
The author has many years of experience with patients and working with the body.
I only wish for more voices, more examples and anecdotes, to further understand how we bypass our spiritual growth. I also craved a more thorough breakdown of what is psychotherapy exactly. The author mentions it from time to time throughout the book. I’m still not entirely sure what it is and its extent.
The book also does a great job in how we often fail to recognize and integrate these darker, shadow parts of us in which we tend to avoid that are also part of our growth and journey. The author also mentions that not only do we avoid these growing parts, we can also shift responsibility to others when we ourselves need to address our own emotions.
The author has many years of experience with patients and working with the body.
I only wish for more voices, more examples and anecdotes, to further understand how we bypass our spiritual growth. I also craved a more thorough breakdown of what is psychotherapy exactly. The author mentions it from time to time throughout the book. I’m still not entirely sure what it is and its extent.
June 8, 2017
There were lots of interesting and valuable insights on offer in this book about how the abuse of spirituality can actually harm us, the very opposite of what's intended in healthy spirituality. It is easy to skip steps and "assume" a "transcendence" but unless we actually do the work of facing our pains, our angers, our fears, those shortcuts are empty and we are just floating above our pain rather than transcending it. The book does slip into some overtly Buddhist spirituality toward the end that might make it less accessible to atheists and non-Buddhists, but overall this volume provides plenty to think about for anyone working on themselves through spiritual growth.
October 29, 2019
Absolutely speechless...please read this book. I will have to re read some of the chapters, in particular the one on relationships and the one on sex!!! Mind blowing!!!! In this day and age, with the rise through social media of all those "gurus", "spiritual coaches", "spiritual teachers", "intuitive coaches" etc etc etc it is SO vital for anyone to understand that you're not as safe as you think you are with most of those people and that you might also be wasting a lot of money in their "spiritual retreats", workshops or online courses. You will also realise that most people you know are caught up in it. Yourself included.
September 23, 2022
Expected more of this book. A lot of generic examples, no real solutions to what to do instead of this spiritual bypassing mumbo jumbo. The generic cases didn’t even make it to the personal level. How do I know I’m doing it? No tools to help you figure that out.
Fun as theoretical work, but don’t expect a breakthrough or big growth from this book.
Fun as theoretical work, but don’t expect a breakthrough or big growth from this book.
January 23, 2020
This was an important, no nonsense book about the current phenomena in our culture to spiritual bypass. I wasn't sure what that was exactly, but understand it now. Masters gives good examples of what this is, why it is dangerous, and what to do about it. I definitely recommend.
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