Goodreads

Introduction:

• The book explores receiving and giving based on the author's experiences coaching people around sexuality and intimacy.
• It examines two key questions: "What do you want me to do to you?" and "What do you want to do to me?" and the dynamics they create.
• The practice of taking turns answering these questions gives rise to a model called the Wheel of Consent with four quadrants.

Part 1: Two Offers

• The author tells her backstory and how she came to examine receiving and giving through asking clients the two questions.
• The terms "receive" and "give" are redefined to refer to who the action is for, not who is doing the action.
• The four quadrants are introduced: Taking (doing, for self), Serving (doing, for other), Accepting (done to, for self), Allowing (done to, for other).

Part 2: In Search of the Quadrants

• Three lessons guide readers to experience each of the quadrants through touch exercises.
• Taking is usually the most challenging quadrant for people to access.
• Once the quadrants are established, three labs provide further guidance to explore Taking/Allowing and Serving/Accepting in more depth.

Part 3: The Wheel of Consent

• The Wheel model and its implications are examined in detail.
• The Doing, Done-To, Receiving and Giving halves are discussed, as well as the Take-Allow and Serve-Accept dynamics.
• Each quadrant poses unique challenges and opportunities for growth. All are necessary for full sexual and relational expression.

Part 4: Social and Spiritual Implications

• The quadrants have implications for personal growth, sexuality, relationships, and society at large.
• They foster skills in boundaries, consent, integrity, generosity, and surrender.
• Recovering consent and choice on a personal level can transform how we treat each other politically and socially.

Conclusion:

• This simple practice of noticing who an action is for has profound impacts on self-awareness and relationships.
• By recovering our ability to receive and give with clarity, we can create a more consensual society.