Conscious Communication For Couples - In Person London

The most frequently asked question that couples ask me is ‘How do we communicate better?’  

We all have experienced a breakdown in communication with our partners. Some couples never recover from that, while others keep on searching and learning for techniques or tools that can really help.

Either way, communication difficulties can leave us feeling lonely, ashamed, disconnected, frustrated, or even in despair. Maybe you wonder if there is something wrong with you, or you doubt that you are compatible. 

You are not alone, and there is nothing wrong with either of you. 

We simply have to recognize that we haven’t been taught how to communicate well. Even though it is one of the greatest keys to healthy relationships, our school system prioritizes mathematics, history, and physics over healthy communication. 

There are 4 main blocks for why communication challenges occur: 

1. We interpret what is being said in our own way, which is different from what our partner said or meant. Because of our own filtering system and thoughts, we literally hear something different than what is said.
2. Because of our own core shame (eg. ‘I am not good enough’, ‘I am not worthy’), we react to what we hear with defense or a trauma response (fight, flight, freeze, fawn, flop). This in return brings us further away from the truth - what is actually happening.
3. We tend to have conscious or unconscious expectations that we don’t communicate. Instead, we complain, criticize, and doubt our partners.
4. We have a negative bias, which often highlights the faults, challenges, and negative traits in our partner or relationship. Because of this, it is more challenging to feel appreciation and gratitude for each other.

In this one-day workshop, we learn more about each of these blocks, so that you can see how these are playing out in your dynamic. 

And then we learn techniques and rituals that counter-act these blocks. 

You and your partner will do lots of practice together, as it is important to experience these techniques through your body. 

Be aware that this is a life-long learning process, and takes regular practice and support. 

This is why we close with a commitment ritual to support you both. 

What you can expect? 

Morning 10:00 - 13:30 

Opening circle 

Opening the heart through an appreciation ritual 

Creating a ‘Relationship Vision’ that you can work on beyond the workshop 

Exploration of core-shame 

Clarity about trauma responses 

Lunch Break including resting time 
 

Afternoon 14:30 - 18:30 

Mirroring and sense-making 

Communicating from longing/desire 

Conflict transformation process 

Conflict interruption agreements 

Integration Break 

Evening 19:00 - 20:00 

Commitment ritual 

Closing circle 

I put strong emphasis on staying connected to our bodies, and to our emotions during the whole time. This will help you to stay present, receptive, and able to release hurt. 

However, this is not the space to go into the biggest wounds and the most difficult conversations. 

Please be mindful of other people’s processes as well and respect my limitations as I can’t focus in detail on each of you all at the same time. 

What do you need to consider before joining? 

This is for you if you want to improve your communication with your partner.

This is for you if you frequently trigger each other and find it challenging to avoid conflict. 

Please don’t join if you want to continue blaming your partner for how you feel, or if you are unable to take responsibility for your stuff. 

How do you need to prepare? 

Please be prepared to be present for the full day, which means that you are not distracted by phone calls, children, or mundane tasks. 

Please have some lunch and snacks prepared the day before so that you don’t start cooking or preparing food during the lunch break we have. 

There will be multiple short tea and toilet breaks in which I encourage you to stay hydrated and nourished. 

Please arrive well-rested and sober.

This is deep emotional work and can be draining afterward. Try to take it easy in the evening after we have finished.